On Going...

 

  I was diagnosed with Global Neurological Damage Symptoms a year ago by a Neurologist who found symptoms throughout my body. Worse, the symptoms appear to be ongoing.

I went to the hospital this past Sunday because of breathing troubles and they thought I was having a heart attack.  ECG showed Left bundle branch block (LBBB).  My primary told them the LBBB was secondary to my neurological damage. Just pneumonia was my admitting diagnosis.  Lol… ( Note: The LBBB on the ECG is different from EKG. All Doctors know this, but many do not know what an EGG is, do you? Answer at bottom of post.) 

  I have muscle twitching in all muscle groups. This causes muscles painful cramps. My wife says I am just a big jerk.   Lol… 

  Muscle twitching in neck and head causes head aches. As pain of cramps and headaches accumulate I get the bonus prize of migraines.   All of this is ironic because I have loved and worshiped the Black Goddess of Pain (Death, Destruction and Crossroads ETC since I drowned in 1956. (Read “I Embrace the Night Mare”   http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=438840  if you like stories of people who have died and came back.)   My Mother Goddess tells me that pain is her gift. They say that people who sit to long on the fence soon have pain in butt. Think crossroads, get it.  LMAO. To better understand the gift of pain, read “I Saw the Ubermensch”  http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=443845      My Holy Mother has gifted me a LOT!!! Lol 

  I keep adding -read this and this- because I feel I don’t have long to live, or worse I won’t have my mind much longer. I want to leave my story…   The worst part of ongoing Global Neurological Damage Symptoms is the damage to my mind. I know I am not as smart as I used to be. I can’t play chess. I used to win over most people with my back to the board. Now I can’t play at the beginning level on the computer. The list goes on but fortunately I have forgotten most of it…DD        

PS. EEG= egg (what you might have for bk. Try this on a Dr. and most will not get it.  LMAO

Dewduster Dewduster
66-70, M
5 Responses Feb 18, 2009

I hope we have time for the pleasure of our company. Safe journey

Thank you La...DD

Thank you fungirlmmm, all1rog, and WarriorMom, for your blessings. It is now Nov. 13 and my condition has gotten much worse. I now have “Neurological Events” about once a week. The Dr.s don’t know what to call them so they are just called “events”. No clue as to what is the actual root of the event. I suspect it is spinal damage and nerves being pinched. What ever it sure is painful! I am unable to recognize my wife when I start to come out of it. Maybe I should just let go and die but my will to live is stronger then my will to avoid pain.<br />
<br />
Thanks for your support…DD

DD, I would carry your pain for you if I could, <br />
or at least take turns with you, (Smile) <br />
As much as I hate to admit it, I believe pain is a blessing for me too, with many purposes. Some of them include pain helps me feel my spirit, I can feel life (energy), as in the moment of birth. Pain to me can bring me to level, just as meditation does. Experiencing the "now" without time, no separation with the all. One of my favorite things to do is astro-projection and pain will guide the way for me. Pain can also give me comfort because I know I'm not alone, my spiritual guides are with me. I would love to share with you about them sometime. <br />
My Dear Friend, pain may be a blessing but your also human. I'm here for you.

Awww my friend I almost always read your posts. I am here for you, and I realize,as you have told me, that you may not always be able to have conversations like we do now. I must admit this saddens me and makes me want to find out more about your condition so that I can help in some small way. i wish that I could wave a magic wand and take your pain, but I also know that you consider your pain a blessing so I would never want to take that from you. Remember even on the darkest days there is always hope. People do survive cancer, they survive abuse, and a myriad of other tortures. I don't want you to ever give up hope because there is always that next great trial, the next great scientist, the next great treatment, and then eventually the next great cure. We are only here a short while on this earth and I hope you get the chance to live your time to the fullest.