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Love Me At My Worst Or Not At All...

The reality of it all is that we've got to deal with both the negative and positive aspects of peoples characters. We don't choose and select what part of someone's character we want to experience or interact with. That's like basically saying, I want to talk to you only when you are positive and loving, but not when you are sad, angry or depressed. Come back when you are happy again.

If you do not wish to interact with me during these low periods, you are basically choosing to disengage with not only that part of my being but with me as a whole. I feel like you are choosing to disengage with me because of this negative, perhaps more morbid side of my nature. As opposed to trying to deal with those negative aspects of me, you are running away from them. Essentially running away from me, because those negative characteristics ARE also part of my nature. Those bad experiences form the being that is me. Disengage with that and you disengage with me.

As someone once said, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best. Think about that.
Scorpio1987 Scorpio1987 22-25, M 1 Response Sep 28, 2012

Your Response


You are so right about this, S. We are complex beings with many facets and not all of them are sunny and bright. None of us is perfect. We are a mixed bag of emotions and behaviors and desires.

It is easy to enjoy another’s company when they are in their sunny and loving mode. Dealing with their positive emotions is pleasant and feels good.

What’s not always so easy to deal with is when that person, being the human that they are, experiences those less positive emotions. We all have some darkness inside that is an intrinsic part of the human psyche. It helps define who we are and how we interact with the world. I don’t think there is any way to not have some darkness if we are in human form.

I believe what some people miss out on, is that when someone shows you these other facets of themselves, it makes for a deepening and strengthening of bonds, because sharing our true selves, light and dark, is a statement that says accept me – accept all of me. That takes courage to open oneself to another. And I think that is one of the things we all want – true and complete acceptance, and we are fortunate if we can find it.

I think also, when someone opens up to you and shows you these deeper facets, it is a statement of trust, reaching out for emotional intimacy (I don’t mean sex in this case – I mean the sharing and bonding on an emotional level as human/spiritual beings). How that trust is handled is very important.

Having said that, I think some caution is appropriate because some people may misconstrue your meaning as one of insisting others accept their abusive behavior because it is a part of them. I’m confident that’s not what you meant, and I feel you would never advocate someone accepting another’s abusive behavior. I just wanted to put that out there for those reading, to distinguish between the natural human condition of having some darkness inside that is common to all of us, vs abusive behavior which crosses the line and is a manipulative ploy for power which is not what we’re talking about here.

I enjoy being around people in their sunny modes, but I also appreciate when someone shows me their darker side. I like to know they are human, just like me. It allows the opportunity for a deeper and stronger connection – to really see inside each other’s souls, to share, to enrich a relationship, and to more fully appreciate the complex beings that we are.

I love what you said at the end of your post: “As someone once said, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.”

Once again, I totally agree with you on everything you've said here V. Just because someone is weak does not mean that we should allow their weaknesses to infringe upon other peoples rights and general well being. That is what we call taking liberties. People can often get used to playing "the victim" and wallowing in self pity if they are not careful. And if we are not careful we can enable those individuals to remain in their state of dependence. There is a fine line between caring and nurturing, and enabling and crippling. A very fine line indeed. And as you say, abusive behaviour should never be tolerated. That does not mean that we do not seek to understand or help the abuser, it just means that we refuse to deal with the abuser in a way which exposes us to harm. Thank you for adding that vital part to this post. :-)