I Want To Forget

Throughout My Life, I Have Had To Deal With The Abscence Of A Mother Or A Mother Figure. I Find It Hard Sometimes To Cope Because It Isnt The Fact That I Miss My Mum, But I Still Cant Believe She Would Do Something Like Dat To Her Own Child. I Was Only About Seven Or Eight At The Time When She Was Locking Me In Cellars Because I Got A Bad Letter Home, Its A Pathetic Excuse And I Was Only A Child, Young A Naive. But I Wasnt Bad, Sometimes, Id Get Caught Answering Someones Question Or Be Blamed As A Group For Talking But Sometimes I Just Liked Talking But It doesnt give her the right to do that to me, Even though my mothers childhood was not A Typical childhood
Being put in cellars and being treated like that by my mum made me develop anger issues in secondary school from years 7-9 but they progressed over the years but i am still a little angry at small little things but i am trying to hold myself back from getting worked up over something minor and  sometimes i get so emotional and i think alot about my mum and i am scared of places with little room to move about in which is why i cried on a school trip away in year 9 wen we went caving but i didnt want to give up because i am someone who always likes to try hard.
My Mum was also a drunk and once, she blamed me for why she and my dad always argued and she said it was breaking our family apart and i hated myself for it and cried and she would often use me to back her wenever they argued and say stuff like he hit her which was lies and even turned a friend of theirs against him.
Also i could never tell my dad the stuff dat my mum did because i was scared of wat she would do to us and dad wasnt around that much becuase he does shift work but we finally told him and he kicked her out. We had to move to another relatives because my dad couldnt look after us while doing shiftwork but we see him everyday and spend more time with him because we're older
i have a younger sibling but nothing happened to them like what happened to me so she isnt as affected
Ive just left secondary school and ill soon be starting sixth form college but i dont want to keep thinking about my mum and crying about it.
But i wanted to share my story to see if there is anyone that can relate to me, or similar
IWannaForget IWannaForget
18-21
1 Response Jul 13, 2010

Hi IWannaForget, I am so sorry to hear about your sad childhood. I can empathise with you in that my childhood experiences revolved around my parents and grandmother constantly arguing. I haven't shared my experience yet but will do soon, and hope you don't mind me adding you as a friend so I can hear how you are getting on with dealing with your issues in the future. I am not sure the best way for you to recover from your experiences is by not thinking about it. Getting it out in the open is a great soother, which you are already starting to do, with this post of yours. Based on what you have said so far, your not wanting to think about your mum, would I assume to be because you feel angry, and or partially guilty/responsible, somehow for your mums/family problems . Correct me if I am wrong please. Are you close enough to your dad to discuss these thoughts of yours with him, or would it be too painful for him to hear what you think about your mum. Having a parent figure to confide with may help you, so if you could speak about it with your father or a close friend, it will help you to resolve the issues you have in your head, and get some peace for yourself. I myself prefer to confide with friends and have taken some counselling to help to resolve some of my childhood issues. I look forward to hearing somemore from you. Best wishes from a friend :). That's what we are here for.