Anew

So I hired a lawyer on Wednesday. What a way to be ushered into adulthood, huh? I really didn't think I would ever have to be one of those litigious Americans that sued people, but since I also dropped out of college this week due to the lasting effects of a bran injury, I am beginning to accept that a lawsuit might be in order.

My brain was stolen from me. I am a different person than I was the day before the accident. I am in constant pain since that day. If this had been my fault, say, if I had been stupid enough to sign up for soccer and then got kicked in the head, I would just accept the consequences and go on with my life. But this is different. I didn't do anything dumb. I went to lunch. An architectural feature that should have been secured fell on my head, pinning me to a table. That was not my fault. And so, this reality that my brain is nowhere near what it used to be is really hard to come to terms with. I did everything right. And yet, my brain was stolen from me.

I don't know what the hand of God might have in store for me in the midst of events like this. But, then again, Canaan probably didn't get what God was doing when He asked Israel to wipe them off the face of the earth. Maybe this isn't my story, but instead, I am a minor role in the important story of someone else. I know that I am merely a footnote in God's story. So maybe I should let this go and learn that this could be part of a bigger plan. But a part of me still wants to lament the passing of my cognitive function and beg heaven that it be returned to me.

In the meantime, I am going to try and figure out how to live with this new version of myself. I am going to get a job or three that doesn't need a college education or a lively mind to do well in it. I am going to try and renew my faith life such that I can accept God's will and see His plan for me. I am going to start anew.
Searchingformyshalom Searchingformyshalom
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 11, 2013

wow, for someone with brain trauma, you write deep and coherent thoughts.....and I am not saying that mockingly...your words move me. I am sorry for the horrific accident you have gone through. you are right, perhaps we are all just pawns on a chess board. Thanks for sharing your pain. Sean

Thank you so much. You are too kind.

Thank YOU.... I wish I could offer you something as simple and sincere as a hug!

And that wish, in and of itself, is simple and sincere and warm, a bright spot making its way to me through the ether. I'm doubly grateful.