My Story

me and my boyfriend where over the moon when we found out that i was expecting in November 2011 and for the first 2 months i was ecstatic i couldn't wait for every thing to start i even wanted the morning sickness so i could feel everything. then it came and as i was a first time mommy i thought the throwing up and stomach ace was normal but i still checked it out at the doctors they gave me sickness tablets and sent me home after a few days i stopped throwing up or getting belly ache and i was great full. so now that had gone i could look forward to my 12 week scan on the 9th of December and then the day came i was so excited never felt anything like it before we got to the hospital and the midwife called me in i sat down and they put that cold jelly on my stomach. i was watching the screen and straight away i new something was wrong because i have seen a 12 week scan about 3 months ago as my sister was now 5 months pregnant and i had been to her appointment. i couldn't see any thing on there i had had a missed miscarriage and my baby had died at 6 weeks but my body had carried on thinking it was still alive. i will never forget the feeling i had then like my whole life was falling apart and there was nothing i could do about it i couldn't talk or cry or anything. the hospital made me go home and gave me an appointment for the 14th to come back and have it removed and i didn't argue.i got home i wouldn't talk to anyone i just lay in bed all the time not eating my boyfriend had to force me to drink i just didn't want anything i didn't want to see or talk to any one my whole world felt like it was falling down around me and i was trapped and to be honest i did want to get out. i couldn't deal with having it still in there knowing it was gone i couldn't look at my self or touch my stomach i wouldn't let my boyfriend any were near me. i couldn't cope so my dad phoned the hospital and changed my appointment to the 12th which was still a long time. sometime id wake up and for a second nothing had changed but that didn't last for long. i chose to have medical management which is like a abortion procedure and that was unbearable i was in so much pain and no one seemed like they were interested it took the hospital 3 hours to give me pain killers and when it was over i had to wait 3 hours for an anti d injection as i have a rhesus negative blood and by the time the needle arrived it was the wrong one so i discharged myself and a nurse gave me an appointment to have the needle the next day at 1 o'clock. they phoned up the next day and canceled saying i didn't need it as i was under 12 weeks but i was 13 weeks when it happened and everything else had kept growing apart from the baby so i did need it and as for not having it i had a second misscarriage an the 12th of Feb 2012 at 4 weeks. i had found out just 17 days after my last period that i was pregnant again but 3 days later i started finding spots of blood in my underwear so i went to the AnE the told me i was low risk and to go home the next day i miscarried at home now i am being sent to a recurrent misscarriage clinic at heartlands hospital Birmingham. i just hope they can help me because i don't no if could deal with that again i still haven't dealt with it yet i find everything heard id rather stay asleep all day but i cant so i just get by day to day i have allot of bad days and i get my ed sheeran album out which helps me out i like track 6 called small bump such a real song it shows exactly how i feel
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May 14, 2012