More Than One

I frequently have one-night stands. Well, I'm not quite sure they classify as traditional "one-night stands" because some of them are with women I've slept with before, but am not in a relationship with...and the last time may've been a month or more ago. To me they're one-night stands because they fit the same general profile of zero commitment. You come together for one reason only: sex.

However, my experience with them has been that they're kind of hit-n-miss. Some are out-of-this-world awesome, but most are kinda so-so.

Also, there's no such thing as "no-strings" sex. One person always likes the other person or hopes for more than just one night with them. It never fails. Sex is intimately connected with our emotions which makes it difficult to have sex without feeling something about it.

I'm not sure I like non-committed sex. Possibly because there is no such thing, really. At least recently, for me, it seems that my one-night stands result in guilt, loathing, and stress. I enjoy the sex at the time it occurs, but the morning afterward I always swear to myself that it's the last time I'm going to have sex in a non-committed relationship. Every time, I swear that the next time I have sex it's going to be with a bona fide girlfriend. And then I go and booty call again. And the vicious cycle repeats itself.

I can't decide if I feel guilty that I'm taking advantage of the fact that I know these women find me irresistible and since they can't have a complete, comprehensive relationship with me, they'll settle for sleeping with me occasionally (i.e., am I feeling guilty because I know the sex means something to them, when it doesn't mean anything to me?); Or, am I feeling guilty/stressed/loathing because I don't exhibit the discipline to remain steadfast in being celibate until I find someone I actually want to date, and who is up to my standards. My one-night stands/booty calls tend to be beneath my standards, significantly.

I'm not sure why I'm so upset emotionally after these nights, but it really sucks. I guess it's hard to remain celibate while looking for someone who I really think is special--which explains why I booty call as infrequently as I can stand. On the plus side of things, I don't give my booty calls any illusions about the possibilities of anything other than sex occurring between us. I'm very clear that I'm not interested in being in a relationship (in general. It'd be mean to say that I'm not interested in being in a relationship with them) and am basically just looking to get laid once-in-a-while by someone who I like being around (which is true). I always like the girls I sleep with, just not enough or in the right ways to want to date them (i.e., get into a relationship with them).

Anyway, how's that for being frank?

Ultimately, I hope to get to the point internally where I can manage to keep it in my pants until I start dating someone seriously.

I suspect that the massive amounts of un-committed sex that many of my generation (and younger) are having is making many of us more lonely, more dissatisfied, and more cynical than you'd think "free love" would.
liferiot liferiot
26-30, M
2 Responses May 14, 2007

That was an amazingly frank analysis of how I'm sure many people feel often - especially men. I think you are very self-aware in this area. I wonder though, do you have the courage to regularly approach women who you think are up to your standard of desirability? Because these very attractive women are more intimidating, know they have power of attraction and are quite likely to say "no" quite often. I think the next step for you is to experience being booty-called by an incredibly desirable woman and feel what it is like when she makes you feel not quite good enough for her. Then you can kind of work your way inwards from the too attractive and the not quite good enough to find a woman who is a perfect match for you.

Sounds like the mormon in you talking. I hope this is not offensive to you but, why don't you go back to church straighten things up and start living right again? You will be a lot happier.<br />
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The church is not there to condemn people but help people become their very best. Sounds like you want a committed relationship and that you want to stop fornicating, you just need some support. That is exactly what the church does.<br />
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BTW, I would be interested in reading your story about leaving the church and becoming athiest.