Sigh! Finally I Can Admit This!!

I am 18 yrs old and I am deppressed. The very next weekend after my one year relationship ended I ****** one of the guys I party with. I'm feeling really suicidal and I keep doing reckless things. My ex-boyfriend was my first, I loved him, and before him I never thought I would have sex. I wanted to wait for marriage but I loved and trusted my ex-boyfriend so much (not to mention he was sexy as hell to me) that I decided to give all of myself to him. Hmm.

The guy I had the one night stand with is not attractive to me at all but he is very polite. He had offered me oral sex since I told him I have never had it done properly. So I let him try,  but he didn't do it right either. The intercourse good but it still wasn't worth it. I feel really awkward around him now.


I feel like I did it to get rid of my boyfriends stamp on me. I had givin my ex-boyfriend him my body, thinking we would be together forever. I had felt him all over me all the time and I loved it. But now that he hates me...I guess I gave my sex away to wake myself up- to remind myself that I really belong to no one.

There's no going back this time. There is no way to undo what I did. Now I can truly break away from my ex and put him in the past. It only took him a couple hours to move on with his life, but it's going to take me months.  

fantasybug fantasybug
18-21, F
Mar 15, 2010