The World At A Stand StillWhen I have a panic attack, it always seems like the world is at a stand still. Nothing is around me and all my mind is concerned about is the overwhelming/consumed feelings of the panic attack. I have always had panic attacks before. Before in high school I knew how to control it and let it surpass me. Now when I have it, I feel like Its my depending doom or something. Before taking my Lexapro, my panic attacks were out of control.
I remember anticipatory attacks. I would sit around and think of negative thoughts or things that could happen to me and I would always anticipate my next attack. Those were the worst. I always think, even till this day, that my panic attacks are the worst, which I know isn't true.
When I go into panic mode I never fight it, I try and flight. The first reaction I get is to hide. To just run. Where to? I couldn't tell you. I just feel like fleeing the situation, the uncomfrotable ness, the feeling of dying, or passing out. I used to hide underneath my blankets when having panic attacks because I thought if I hid underneath my blankets it was just me and only me. Not me and the world which I was afraid of. I would bend over into a fetal position and breath in brown bags. I would constantly check my pulse, to see if my heart would just stop or explode for some odd reason. I would just await my appending doom and just think to myself this is the last time I will be alive.
Long and behold after taking my xanax, I was just fine. Till this day I struggle with them and I still breath in brown bags, I still carry my xanax with me, and I still want to flee, but after research beyond research, and my program. What I realize is YOU are the cause to your panic attacks. There is no safe person, no safe place like I once had thought. It's true and its frightening to even imagine that. When I read that I was like YEAH RIGHT, whatever. My house is safe, the hopsital is safe. Well it isn't. Ever wonder why when you have a panic attack you think of going to the doctor and if you do you usually feel better within just getting there because YOU put in your mind that this is safe but technically there is no safe place.
I still have struggles but one thing I do know from having so many attacks is I'M STILL ALIVE. I'm still kicking it. I'm breathing and there was no appending doom. Is it scary, absolutely but will anything happen to you, absolutely not. It's a state of mind and I hope that I can show people that having a panic attack isn't the end of the world. If it was, I would have been long gone.
Remember, YOU are your safe place, YOU are your own safe person!
AmazinglyAmazing 22-25, F 24 Responses 16 Feb 4, 2012