I Battle Anxiety Disorder

I have suffered from anxiety disorder since childhood (due to events I will explain down the road in different posts).  In fact I am feeling another panic attack boiling up as I write this post (had one earlier strong enough to make me call off of work today).  I take Paxil to help to control the attacks to an extent.  I still have them even on Paxil, but as I found out the hard way recently, it is better to deal with them on Paxil rather than dealing with them while in the depths of Paxil withdrawal (not intentionally mind you, due to the IRS stimulus payment being mailed as a paper check rather than direct depositing it, I couldn't afford it for awhile) which was like being in my own personal hell and the only thing keeping me from being locked up in a mental institution or worse, suicide, was thinking of my family and what they went through when my younger brother attempted suicide, thinking of my Filipino friends and how much love care they have shown me despite having never met once in person, especially my online Filipina girlfriend, and of course my real life friends no matter how antisocial I may seem towards them, I do appreciate them deep down, it is just hard for me to show it a lot of times.  It is a battle I have not given up fighting yet and I hope to one day be able to control it without the need for chemical assistance, but one step at a time I guess.

CFsurvivor CFsurvivor
2 Responses May 14, 2008

I have had similar feelings of anxiety,fear,breathlessness,numbness and uneasiness everytime i'm having them. It comes usually in the afternoon.,i dont know why.,i fear it coming when i am outside of the house.,i feel like im goin to collapse or completely disoriented or something.The feeling is just too weird to explain.I've had tests done to dispel my fears like ecg,blood tests/chem,xray and even had ct scan. Until now I still think that something is wrong with me and I just havent discovered what it is yet. Sigh...please help!

Hey kef,<br />
<br />
I feel for you. My mom has anxiety disorder and my girlfriend is on medication for anxiety. It's no joke. It's been around me all my life, and I remember watching my mom go through panic attacks since I was a little girl. <br />
Maybe you realize this already, but I think one can never hear it too many times--the great thing about being an adult is that *new* pain (not old family pain) is optional. You have a say in who you share your space with and who you let close to you. In addition, you have the option you didn't have when you were little to get away from people and environments that are toxic. I'm sure your anxiety will get better as you keep working on it. Keep on keepin' on.