In My Bed - Next to My Girlfriend

I've always had that problem with Borderline ... where you're scared of people coming too close to you. You start pushing them away as soon as they come close. I've even had problems with starting a relationship. To kill the pain I've been seeing a therapist for about two years.

Now I have a girlfriend whom I love and I thought that it would be different now as I didn't have problem with starting the relationship and all that ... but when I lay in bed next to her ... I suddenly felt it creeping up. All the pain, the heartbeating, the sweat, the shivering, the tears and the voices. And all that toughts that were just: Leave, leave, you have to get away, this is too much, you can't take it.

I was so disapppointed by that. I really want to be just in a normal relationship and I don't know how to cope with the fact that I can't stand being near to people I love. The only thing I ever really wanted in life was to have a loving and good relationship and ironically I'm the one who always screws them up. If love is not the reason to live anymore ... what is it?

GothGrrrl GothGrrrl
18-21, F
May 23, 2007