My First Was From Smoking Weed

it was the first time i smoked weed, i literally thought i had died and went to hell... i felt like wtf why is everything moving so sloww... i felt like my life was unreal & i had made up everything and everybody i had ever experienced or met. i felt trapped, like i cudnt control my mind anymore or tell what i was saying apart from my thoughts. it was basically the normal "high" so to speak, i guess... like i was dreaming but i cud see nd feel stuff... idk.. i hated it. a lot of people had said it was really weird that i reacted like that but yeahh...

i was shook up from it, but not badly, only for like a couple days or so.

after the third time smoking, a couple monthes later, i had panic attacks for probably the longest 2 weeks of my life... i was deep in depression and did not feel like i wanted to live anymore... i was sick of seeing colors and thinking all the time and analyzing peoples faces and questioning god.

it was a neverending panic, i was panicking in everything i did. i went to a party of my best friend's downtown manhattan and started having panic attacks b/c i wasnt getting home on time to talk to my boyfriend... i had a bad panic attack on the subway coming home. i wanted to be home at like 11 but we were home at 1 and it made me uncontrollbly paranoid.

after that, they were less and less. i would sometimes have them very real dreams, like taking place in the room i fell asleep in... where i could "feel things" kind of... then i'd feel my body was asleep and make myself wake up into another dream, then i'd finally wake up. since i knew i was asleep while my brain was actively knowing it in my dreams... that wud send me into a panic until i woke up.

so basically i havent smoked since its been like monthes nd i dont plan on it... i dont want to hav to deal with i alot of panic attacks after smokingg ... the only other times i hav anxiety attacks are during road tests or before them... yeah ti really sucks but i think i'm not irked out anymroe so im fine.

i only hav them onc ein a while now.
sparklinshinexx sparklinshinexx
18-21, F
Jul 24, 2007