My First Panic Attack Was Inside of a Church.

Have you ever seen on TV (or in person, I suppose) the preachers who lay their hands on a person's forehead and yell about casting out the demons? Well,  at 13 years old, I met one... And sobbed for hours.

Not being a very "christian" girl (my beliefs were more Native American than anything), I thought I'd check out this church who was having one of those speakin-in-tongues-layin-his-hand-on-your-head-to-heal-you guys come in... He sensed a "non believer" and of course, stopped at my pew. He asked me to stand up and told the church how Satan had probably taken over me and blah blah blah. I stared at the clock because I didn't want to look him in the eye. He put his hand on my forehead at 6.45pm and kept yelling for Satan to release me and for Jesus to come and save my soul because I was hurting blah blah blah...

Around 7.10, I woke up shaking on the floor of the church. Some of the older people were huddled around me speaking in tongue, crying and holding me. I started crying. And didn't stop. For literally three hours. I hyperventalated. I sobbed. I shook. I sobbed. I couldn't talk. I could hardly move unless with the help of multiple friends. At this point I thought I was dying. Eventually, hours later I calmed down. Then slept for 12 hours.

Some people in the church said they saw God work through me that night. I say it was the start of many severe panic attacks I've suffered since.

I still don't believe in God. And if there IS a God who chooses to "work" like that "through" people, I don't want to have any part of it. Work through someone else.

ofthegallows ofthegallows
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 20, 2009

I used to be a part of a church like that and it always scared the hell out of me. I'm still a christian, but I don't believe in all that stuff or associate with those kind of people. It seems so pointless to me. I don't see what good it does. If you want to help someone, help a homeless person or something. It's just a bunch of weirdos getting high on God.