Growing Up With Unstable Parents And Trying Times

My father's upbringing was awful and he's a textbook Sociopath, serial cheater, and he ***** multiple women at once without protection- I am a result of this among other "siblings". He has many children all over the map, and has a daughter as old as my mother. (But I think his personal issues are much too severe to fix, especially since he's still in denial about everything. So I have accepted my father with his mental condition and I've concluded that he does his best to be there for me, and he has proven this and expressed his unconditional love for me, and that's all I could ask for, so I'll take it).
My mother had a crappy upbringing too. She was encouraged to get with my father when she was 16, had me at 17 and presently, we don't talk anymore unless it's about business. She was never ready to be my mother and she still isn't. She lied about my age and made me lie about it growing up. She was ashamed of having me soo young and I think she still is- it shows. Sometimes it seems like she thinks I'm trying to take her husband from her. She has god-awful insecurity issues that are based on what others think of her. She's a pretty lady, but her issues get the best of her. (She's also a new realtor who decided to used my name and info to purchase a house, and forged my signature then told me about it while she pretended I had a say in it. She sold it, made some profit and our relationship is severed because of it. That, and she's a ****** mom and continues to lie to me and refuses to take responsibility and fault as a mother.) I consider my stepmother more of a mother than my biological one. My stepmother has raised me and supported me in everything I've wanted to pursue. Her open is always open to me, and she loves me unconditionally. I would die for that woman.

I lived with both parents 'til I was 5 when my mom decided to leave him and took me along. He tracked us and my mom called the police on him and he got arrested for "stalking" us and my stepmother bailed him out. They were advised to take it to court, so the next thing you know, my mom refused custody and I ended up with my dad and stepmom for a year "Meet this new lady, you can call her your mom, now", but I got mommy-sick so a year after 1st grade and my abandonment and neglect issues from "mommy" got out of hand, we all agreed that living with grandma was best. That way, my parents can pick me up and drop me off as they please without dealing with eachother. Now I grew up with strong family values, but my perception changed when I realized that some of my family was **** and that my friends and their families treated me better.
My grandma was a single working mom and I had a babysitter after school for two years until grandma decided she didn't want to use the welfare money my mom gave her for babysitting anymore. So I was home alone after school left to do whatever I pleased, and I did so. I had all kinds of fun and adventures before she got home. But one day, my uncle's *********-chaperon came by asking where he was cause he couldn't find him at his school, and then he cornered me in the house and molested me. I was 10, and life has been different ever since. I ended up living with dad and stepmom again because dad didn't like the lack of supervision and security at grandma's. He wanted me and my older sis to have eachother's back so I moved in with them. As years went by, my dad stopped coming home, food became scarce inside our house, stepmom continued to work with dad at whatever offices, and I was terribly neglected. My stepmom always knew my dad was cheating, but she is a weak person and is a victim of herself and she knows it. I grew up in diverse areas. Dad naturally lived near grandma so diversity and lifestyle was consistent until I was 13. Dad managed to borrow/use people's names and SS#s, so he bought a million dollar house on the hills in Orange County and put us into more debt, and 4-5 yrs later, it was foreclosed. I left home when I was 16, I got a job as a live-in Nanny (for a neurologist who had a severely Autistic child w/abandonment issues from his pothead mom) after I purposely dropped out of highschool. I fell through the cracks. My dad didn't even know I wasn't living at home anymore- we all kept it a secret. Everyone knew they couldn't stop me. Highschool was a huge downer, and I had aspirations and no time to waste while the rich kids tried to make me miserable. Not to mention the fact that nobody was feeding me so I took the initiative to say **** all this and went on to survive on my own. It was bad to the extent that I would check the next class' trashcans for trashed unopened bags of chips and snacks from the kids who ate there during lunch. Anyway, I've been on my own since 16, I have exchanged nanny & housekeeping services for free rent to maintain a roof over my head. On my own, I have moved about 10 times in my life all over LA and once to San Diego for "the love of my life" and myself. My car had been broken into by a homeless pothead, I caught him mid-robbery and got him arrested when I was 18. And this year, my car got stolen, crashed and totaled, and my new car's window got smashed, and they stole my GPS.(my bad). My most recent ex confirmed the seriousness of our relationship, and deceived me with discussions about moving in together and marriage and all this bullshit, while his mom made graphic threats towards me- I think she can be officially considered psychotic. His mom made him choose between us, and so he chose her and to preserve their relationship, he made false allegations against me(which I have plenty of proof to prove wrong, even a video of him taking his pants off on a date in which he claimed he had excommunicated me with witnesses) and filed a restraining order on me. He won the case due to the judge's violation of his discretion. The judge didn't even bother look at my evidence and screwed me over; I was incredibly prepared for the hearing, and the judge viewed my"readiness" as an obsession with my ex and issued the order against me. It just goes to show how ****** our law system is and continues to be.

As for my "mommy", she tried to be a better mother by helping me with rent and paying for school last year, but halfway through, she bailed and broke her promises so I ended up paying for everything and going broke and becoming very close to homelessness until "Dad#2" stepped in and helped me. (He kind of adopted me since the day I contacted the California Department of Education looking for alternatives to completing highschool.)
After I finished that semester and saved up, I got a job in San Diego and moved, and then left back to LA when my relationship with the ex went sour. Dad#2's house in LA was 3 bedrooms and 2 baths, and I was living in it alone. Towards the ending of my residence there, I started getting panic attacks and my fear of getting stalked and raped was heightened which was why I moved when I could afford to. That house is still sittin' empty with some of my stuff in it and I view it as a safety net. I'm currently living with a friend who is basically my rock and gives me the mental and emotional support I need while I fulfill my ambitions. With all that said, I suffer from major depressive disorder and I have been for 7 years, and to top it all off, I'm 20, but I have a "fake" I.D. that passes all the tests you could possibly run it through unless you check for my real age. My pic and info, except different DOB. Makes my life easier. I got it to get work & to survive. Not to buy booze. And above it all, I have never touched drugs or done drugs(even with all the opportunities), I have never even smoked weed, and as a matter of fact- I hate the smell. I have an acute sense of smell and I can't tolerate it. Lastly, I have never gotten pregnant or sold myself for money even during the hardest of times, which for others would've been an option in my situation. I have no negative dependencies, and I love myself. It doesn't mean that everything is peachy. It just means that even the most messed up life is manageable. Perhaps not livable. But manageable.
loveisdeadly loveisdeadly
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 9, 2010

Btw I love that shirt in the picture. Lol had to mention that for some reason

Did you feel better after writing this story. It's quite a story tbh. You should be proud of yourself

Part2 to that story is coming. I treat EP like a journal. My future husband will have access when I find him. I write it down before I forget details somehow lol

Should I reserve a copy at the local bookstore or wait for the paperback at SAMs club lol

And please do not advise me to edit this for young children. Young children in America are DEFINITELY exposed to profanity. I started using profanity since I was 8. I'm not saying it's a good thing. I just know that children can tell the difference between appropriate behavior and misbehavior. People think that children are soo innocent and unaware, but I know from firsthand experience and from experience as a past nanny that children know more than you think, and they know how to keep it a secret. The profanity gives my story character- something I've earned.