I Have Had a Rough Life Growing Up
My mother was a single mother at the age of 23 with 4 .
My ***** donor has always lived in the same town as me. Never spoke to me. Paid $160 a month in child support on two children. When he was the owner of his own business which I knew was doing very good. I would see him once every year, & that was every January for 18 years. He came to get my mothers signature, So he could draw off of me on his taxes. He never spoke a word to me. Never looked at me.
But believe it or not, This is not where everything started for me.
When I was 6 months old, me and my siblings were took from my biological mother & put in foster care.
Me & My older sister were took to a foster home with a mother, Father & they had 1bilogical son, 2 adopted sons & 1 adopted daughter. They were all much older than us. Eric their son was the youngest of them, He was in High School when me &I my sister came along. The adopted children, were in their teens when they got adopted & the 3 of them are biological siblings. They suffered from attached syndrome. Which is where they can not get attached to anyone because they were never bonded with as a child.
They were a lot on Paula & Elwood's plate, but they never gave up they gave them everything their own son had.
on October of 1990,
They answered the door, to find a quote "a baby that was only eyes, lips & tennis shoes." In a social workers arms and a quote "a precious little girl " clenching to the social workers leg & arm.
When they looked at my sister Jes who is only 16 months older than myself, They said that jes looked at them as jama the social worker, handed me off & told them quote " don't hurt my corky".
They reassured jes by involving her into the process. They asked her how to take care of me, and what I liked and did not like and Paula told her that she was such a great big sister, even though jes was meant to stay with me, Paula did not want her to know she had to. So she asked her if she would stay and help her take care of me. And jes simply agreed only she knew how. I was 2 and a half years old & Jessica was 4 when my biological mother got married & was granted custody of us once more.
My mother never gave up and I know she did her best with what she had.
My grandmother took my sister jes and raised her as her own.
My ***** donor took my brother half the time and helped with him throughout his childhood.
My oldest sibling was raised by her fathers, mother after she turned 11,
They would all come and go as they pleased.
Paula and Elwood, Wanted to adopt me. They loved me unconditionally as well as I think my biological mother had.
They never let me go, even though my mother would not grant them adoption, They came and got me every weekend.
I spent every holiday and school vacation with them.I can still feel the pain that I often felt on Sundays. After church and dinner I would cry, begging them not to take me home. As long as I can remember Paula & Elwood were Mom & Dad to me.
I called them my mother and father. The pain I felt, was unbearable. I felt as if I was being pulled in both directions and my heart loved them each differently.
The reason I always dreaded going home to my mother, She suffered with alcoholism because of her trails and struggles in life.
She started dating a man who was in a very famous Motorcycle Gang.
He was my Mothers biggest nightmare & he was the boogey man in real life to me.
He beat my mother daily, they fought constantly. I got hit occasionally when I would step in to defend my mother.
We had moved all over the Tri-State of our home town & state. I know for my elementary school years, I never spent more than one year in a school. Then on to the next school, state & town. I resented my siblings for never having to suffer as I did. But my foster mother and father never left me. No matter where I went or what state I went to. They traveled every weekend and holiday to make sure I was with them.
It all started with this man. In our home town. I recall that morning being 5-6 years old, it was raining I know because my mother slipped a big black garbage bag, over my head & poked 3 holes. One for my head, and two for my arms. She kissed me and told me she loved me and pushed me out the door, and told me to walk fast, so I would not miss my school bus.
Our holler was about a mile long. Or maybe it was a little less, but I was a child and felt it went on forever.
My eyes got adjusted to the dark. I did not want to walk my holler alone. But my mother insisted I be a big girl for her and walk without her today. I knew it was going to be a big fight this time. He had woke me up in the middle of the night punching holes in the wall and breaking everything. I will never forget covering my head under the covers and hearing my mothers sobbing pleads for him not to wake me up.
That morning she had new bruises and they were still fighting.
I found myself running away from that house. As fast as my little legs would take me. The rain stung my eyes as I tried to fight from closing them, so I could see my way. I finally got to my bus stop. I was the only kid in my holler. My house was the only home as well. Cut off from everyone but the nightmare I left 5 times a day for 8 hours. I remember feeling that school was my safe haven as the bus pulled up. I stepped onto the bus pulling off my garbage bag as all the kids laughed and poked fun of me. I remember feeling that I loved that garbage bag and my mother loved me enough to care that me or my clothes did not get wet. The garbage bag was my coat of many colors, that my mother gave to me.
That evening after school, I walked slowly back down that untrusting, hell of a road. Toward the hell I knew I was in for ....
*** Chapter 1 OF MY TRUE CHILDHOOD ***
My ***** donor has always lived in the same town as me. Never spoke to me. Paid $160 a month in child support on two children. When he was the owner of his own business which I knew was doing very good. I would see him once every year, & that was every January for 18 years. He came to get my mothers signature, So he could draw off of me on his taxes. He never spoke a word to me. Never looked at me.
But believe it or not, This is not where everything started for me.
When I was 6 months old, me and my siblings were took from my biological mother & put in foster care.
Me & My older sister were took to a foster home with a mother, Father & they had 1bilogical son, 2 adopted sons & 1 adopted daughter. They were all much older than us. Eric their son was the youngest of them, He was in High School when me &I my sister came along. The adopted children, were in their teens when they got adopted & the 3 of them are biological siblings. They suffered from attached syndrome. Which is where they can not get attached to anyone because they were never bonded with as a child.
They were a lot on Paula & Elwood's plate, but they never gave up they gave them everything their own son had.
on October of 1990,
They answered the door, to find a quote "a baby that was only eyes, lips & tennis shoes." In a social workers arms and a quote "a precious little girl " clenching to the social workers leg & arm.
When they looked at my sister Jes who is only 16 months older than myself, They said that jes looked at them as jama the social worker, handed me off & told them quote " don't hurt my corky".
They reassured jes by involving her into the process. They asked her how to take care of me, and what I liked and did not like and Paula told her that she was such a great big sister, even though jes was meant to stay with me, Paula did not want her to know she had to. So she asked her if she would stay and help her take care of me. And jes simply agreed only she knew how. I was 2 and a half years old & Jessica was 4 when my biological mother got married & was granted custody of us once more.
My mother never gave up and I know she did her best with what she had.
My grandmother took my sister jes and raised her as her own.
My ***** donor took my brother half the time and helped with him throughout his childhood.
My oldest sibling was raised by her fathers, mother after she turned 11,
They would all come and go as they pleased.
Paula and Elwood, Wanted to adopt me. They loved me unconditionally as well as I think my biological mother had.
They never let me go, even though my mother would not grant them adoption, They came and got me every weekend.
I spent every holiday and school vacation with them.I can still feel the pain that I often felt on Sundays. After church and dinner I would cry, begging them not to take me home. As long as I can remember Paula & Elwood were Mom & Dad to me.
I called them my mother and father. The pain I felt, was unbearable. I felt as if I was being pulled in both directions and my heart loved them each differently.
The reason I always dreaded going home to my mother, She suffered with alcoholism because of her trails and struggles in life.
She started dating a man who was in a very famous Motorcycle Gang.
He was my Mothers biggest nightmare & he was the boogey man in real life to me.
He beat my mother daily, they fought constantly. I got hit occasionally when I would step in to defend my mother.
We had moved all over the Tri-State of our home town & state. I know for my elementary school years, I never spent more than one year in a school. Then on to the next school, state & town. I resented my siblings for never having to suffer as I did. But my foster mother and father never left me. No matter where I went or what state I went to. They traveled every weekend and holiday to make sure I was with them.
It all started with this man. In our home town. I recall that morning being 5-6 years old, it was raining I know because my mother slipped a big black garbage bag, over my head & poked 3 holes. One for my head, and two for my arms. She kissed me and told me she loved me and pushed me out the door, and told me to walk fast, so I would not miss my school bus.
Our holler was about a mile long. Or maybe it was a little less, but I was a child and felt it went on forever.
My eyes got adjusted to the dark. I did not want to walk my holler alone. But my mother insisted I be a big girl for her and walk without her today. I knew it was going to be a big fight this time. He had woke me up in the middle of the night punching holes in the wall and breaking everything. I will never forget covering my head under the covers and hearing my mothers sobbing pleads for him not to wake me up.
That morning she had new bruises and they were still fighting.
I found myself running away from that house. As fast as my little legs would take me. The rain stung my eyes as I tried to fight from closing them, so I could see my way. I finally got to my bus stop. I was the only kid in my holler. My house was the only home as well. Cut off from everyone but the nightmare I left 5 times a day for 8 hours. I remember feeling that school was my safe haven as the bus pulled up. I stepped onto the bus pulling off my garbage bag as all the kids laughed and poked fun of me. I remember feeling that I loved that garbage bag and my mother loved me enough to care that me or my clothes did not get wet. The garbage bag was my coat of many colors, that my mother gave to me.
That evening after school, I walked slowly back down that untrusting, hell of a road. Toward the hell I knew I was in for ....
*** Chapter 1 OF MY TRUE CHILDHOOD ***
Age:
22-25
,
Female
4
responses
