Looking For Help

I am a Navy Corpsman that has recently been Dx with Dissociative Amnesia. I have lost 14 years of my life, do any of you have any helpful suggestions for me. I am stressed, as I have found out that I don't remember so many things. I have found out that I have a family of 4 kids, a wife that I am going through Seperation with. I feel that many people around me don't believe me. How do I deal with some of these things? Any help would be sooooooo greatly appreciated! !!!
 

docklop docklop
36-40, M
6 Responses Mar 10, 2009

Arjay,<br />
Reading your post sounds so familiar it is scary. I recognize most of the feeling that you shared. I keep a journal and it helps somewhat. I am here if you ever need someone that can really understand. I have been talked into writing a book. With your history you will probably have an appreciation for the name, "What you can't imagine"

I lost 34 years of my life because of Dissociative Amnesia, at age 39 only being 4 years old or only having memories for the last 4 years have been very hard. There are those at first that thought I playing a joke on them. And the ones who did believe me are still by my side today. The ones who thought it was a joke are not in my life. The pain of not knowing my past scares me but the thought that it might never come back scares me even more. My 2 kids over the last 4 years have slowly gotten me out of there life. I could see the pain in there faces when I told them I did not know them or have any feelings about them. It is so hard............... All these people expect the same old person they knew but instead get me. The depression of not knowing and when will it come back, do I want it to come back. How do you deal with it. I keep a journal each and every day of my thoughts and feelings. I share it with no one. I see a shrink every 3 weeks and helps me get thru one day at a time. The lost they feel for not having there dad remember them I can assume is huge. But the emptiness I feel inside just will not fade. <br />
I don't know what to tell you about your kids. I know being away from mine and them not seeing me helps me deal with it more. I never think about them, the only time I would is when I was told to go see them. I wonder how bad a father I am. Because I do not care about them. But I have no feeling to fight to see them. I hope I have helped or feel free to talk to me anytime.

I wish I could help you, but I have no idea how. Please know I care.

I have now been told that this Amnesia probably came from Combat PTSD, and a traumatic Brain injury indicative of an IED Blast. There is a chance of my memory coming back but I have been told I will have to go back to what ever the PTSD was to heal. I have very mixed feelings on this. They have told me that by going back it could be stressful enough that I could use the little that I do remember. When do you decide that it is better to try and continue on than to remember? There is a wife that doesn't believe anything is wrong, and how does it afect the kids to realize that their Dad has no feelings toward them. When do you decide that they are better off without you?

We are doing cognitive behavioral therapy to change my negative thinking into positive and also he does something, not sure what it's called, where he has me relax and basically taps into my subconscious... that's how he found out the exact ages the abuse started and ended at, his specialty is dissociative amnesia.

I lost 11 years of my life due to sexual abuse. I am working with a therapist but the memories aren't coming back.