Lost A Baby, A Fallopian Tube, A Caribbean Cruise & My Mother In One Week

I started feeling sick at work one day and it wasn't a "normal" sickness. I felt dizzy and my eyesight was blurred. My stomach HURT. It was swollen and bloated. I tried to urinate but it hurt. It was also a struggle to button my pants back up because my stomach had become so bloated. After much convincing, my boss got me to sit down and drink some water. I called my mom to pick me up because I knew I couldn't drive home safely. My boss even had to walk me out of the store where I threw up all over the place. I went home to my moms house and I felt a lot better after I puked. My mom left for work and I fell asleep. I woke up having to go to the bathroom and the last thing I remember was getting up to walk to the bathroom (about a 15 foot walk) and it's all blank. I kept fainting and passing out and waking up in a different area of my moms house. I must have hit my face, head, arms and legs over a dozen times. I just kept trying to stand and falling face flat onto the ground. No one was home to help me and my phone was no where to be found but after about two hours or so, I made it to my phone and called my mom and told her what was going on.

I didn't want to go to the ER because it's an automatic $200 co-pay with my insurance so we waited out the night. My mom thought I was being over dramatic about the situation and kept calling me a "drama queen" when I was having a hard time breathing (my body became so tight that all I could do was take short fast breaths). She did some "research" online and decided that I was "OVERDOSING" on my prescription medication (Adderall and Norco) and that she wanted nothing to do with me and that "her hands were clean". She let me stay the night again and the next night she took me to the ER where the wait was ridiculous and the nurses (excuse my language) weren't the nicest..... I walked out and called my boyfriend to come get me ASAP. My mother said that if I didn't go in and "get the help I needed" that she was done with me and she's never going to talk to me again. I left her and my boyfriend showed up and took me to another hospital in the town over.

There wasn't anyone in the waiting room at this ER and I was quickly put on an IV and had the blood work, urine, etc. etc. done. Urine tests came back positive for pregnancy so obviously, they did an ultrasound. Low and behold, I was having an ectopic pregnancy. By this time it was about 3AM when I called my mom to tell her that I wasn't "overdosing" as she SWEARS I was but I was about to go into major surgery and had my tube burst, I could have died of internal bleeding. My boyfriend was there for me each and every step and I'm grateful for him. I truly am. But my mother is a piece of work.

On top of all of this, I was supposed to be going on a cruise with my mom in 3 days. Her client was going to pay for us both to go and we were so excited about it. I was mostly excited about being able to spend a whole week with my mom - we've never done anything like that before. But for obvious reasons, I had to stay behind while my mom ventured off into the Caribbean.

I survived (obviously). They took my right fallopian tube as well as the embryo that was growing inside of it. I'm healing well and I'm taking it a day at a time. When I got out of the hospital my mom left for the cruise the next morning so I wasn't going to be seeing her for a week and we weren't sure how much communication we were going to have. I told myself that it's only a week and that I can get through it and she'll be back to help me before I know it. I really felt like she was going to support me through this. That for once in my life I wouldn't be the blame to some catastrophe that happened.. But of course things never change and the night I went to first go see her since she had been back, she ended up claiming that I was "high" and that she "doesn't want a high person in her house" and kicked me out and told me to never talk to her again.

I had surgery April 26, 2012. She came back from the cruise on May 6, 2012. This is all VERY recent. I can't control myself about it though. It's like the last straw. My mother and I have never had the "perfect" relationship.. we fight A LOT. But for her to throw me out of her house barely a week after I had surgery... I was (still am) heartbroken.

I confronted her about this but she blames me. She says I'm playing the victim card and that until I "own up to my mistakes" she'll never talk to me again. This is one of the worst fights we've ever been in and I'm still trying to cope with losing a fallopian tube/baby... I don't even know how to feel about it because honestly... I just want my mom.. I thought it was going to be different this time with her. I thought that she was going to be there for me this time.. I just feel empty.
loveamanda loveamanda
22-25, F
3 Responses May 15, 2012

Good freakin' grief, what is the matter with your mother?? You could have died! You weren't being a "drama queen" (don't you just hate that label?). Thank God for your boyfriend. And you hang in there, girl.

Your mom's tendency to toss verbal bombs at you reminds me a lot of my sister, my only sibling, who's on a ton of painkillers for fibromyalgia--and she drinks some. Not a good combination. She's kind of a control freak, is often bitter and is very judgmental about everyone, including my husband and two sons.

I love her. I care about her a great deal, and she's my family, but she is not a person of good will. She is sick. So I am careful about what I say to her. I never tell her the ups and downs of family members. I shield them, and myself, from her harsh comments. I know that I simply can't trust her. And so, to keep this relationship going, it has to operate within some very strict limits. It means that our relationship is much more superficial, and that there's no real closeness there, at least closeness as I'd define it. But, you know what? It's the best I can do.

Your mom might be in the same category. You may have to put some distance in the relationship simply to take care of yourself. And that's okay. In fact, it's fine.

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but it might be worth your while to talk to a professional psych person to sort out all of these issues. I'm currently in therapy, and I can vouch for the value of it. Therapists and licensed social workers are trained. They are objective. And, when you can find a good one, they are wonderfully helpful. (If you do decide to go that route, make sure that you feel comfortable with that person. If you don't, ask for someone else.)

Be proud of yourself for getting through this at all. Don't let your mother's harsh judgments keep you from seeing your genuine value as a person. Trust yourself.

I hope this helps.


Praying for you!!!!!!!

Hi, I wanted to comment on your story because I can relate in more ways than one. First off, I too was supposed to go on a cruise, then the ectopic happened and my husband and I, of course, had to cancel it. The stuff with your mom is very tough - our moms are our rocks, our role models as we age. I had a ton of issues with my mom too, but now I'm 32 and she's 60, and we have both moved past that and are now as close as ever. It takes time. I think your mom was probably very scared for you and didn't know how to handle what you went through. I know my mom was too. I would give her time to come around back to you, to let her deal with her emotions. I'm so sorry to hear about your ectopic; I just had my surgery a few weeks ago so the pain is still raw, but I try to remain strong and willing to move on with life, and I hope you do too. :)