No Support

I had an ectopic pregnancy on november 27th. I have been trying with my husband to have this baby since april with no success i didnt even know i was pregnant till i started getting the pains and went to the emergency room. As a side note my husband didnt want any kids with me but he agreed to trytill the end of the year with the agreement that if it didnt happen i wouldnt push the issue anymore. Needless to say that finding out i was pregnant was probably one of the most happiest i have ever been but that happiness was so short lived as the pain continued and i started to bleed. I knew something was wrong they finally took me for an ultrasound but would not let me ser the pic or hear the heartbeat i was later told the bany was in my right tube and would need surgery to remove the baby. I called mybhusband to tell him what was happening and his response to mr was not to turn this into something bigger than it is?? I couldnt bear to talk to him anymore i told him he just needed to come to the hospital. As i was being wheeled away to surgery i lost it i couldnt hold back the tears anymore (not that their werent any right off thr bat) but this time i knew there was nothing i couldn do there was no way to stop this. So i had thr surgery they were unable to save tube and that had to be taken out too. When my husband did finally show up the next day after thr surgery he was less than supportive he didnt hold me like i needed to held his response to was "it wasnt meant to be but all i wanna know is when can we have sex and when can u get "fixed" cuz im not going to do this **** again" i was holding his hand and immediately let go. His comment may have been appropriate say in a couple months when i have had the proper time to grieve not a day after i just had our baby surgically removed from my body..he of course got upset and left the hospital my mom and dad had to take me home because he left me there. I havent spoken to him since and the night he left thr hospial sent me txt messages telling me how wrong inwas amd that i pushed him away thats why he left an that he no longer wanted to be married to me. I have has no support from the onr person i need it the most from. I cry everyday not for our marriage but for our lost baby who i feel im the only one who cares that is gone. He tried to say i want him to cry and i told him no i just needed him to b there that his comment was not needed at that particular time but unfortunately everything is always my fault. Inam having the most difficult time and i have noone to turn to noone who understands or even cares in my own home at least. Am i wrong for feeling like thr wasnt meant to b comment was not needed at that particular time?? I just am very upset and confused and feel as if i am being punished by god for something that i have done wrong as a mother u r raised to give your life for your children why did my babies life get taken to save mine?
Ezelsatine Ezelsatine
31-35
Dec 13, 2012