Mi Vida Loca xoxo

When i was a baby i lived in a lovely house called the Woodlands with my Mummy, Daddy, Big sister Viki and cat Tinker. The garden at the Woodlands was covered in caterpillars in the summer. I remember picking them off the bushes and putting them onto my bicycle. I have no idea why. I also remember waking up in a morning to find a pile of live baby mice or voals that Tinker my cat had very delicately handled and piled there, he'd sit next to them looking very pleased with himself. 

I actually remember my Mum and dad having a massive arguement, they had already split up i think, my dad tried the door at home but Mum had had the locks changed i think, they ended up shouting and fighting with each other, my dads eye was bleeding and a police woman came round. I remember going to the toilet where i wet some tissue to give to my Daddy for his eye, the police women didn't mind and let me hand it too him.

I remember once being asleep in bed at the woodlands. I was layed on my side looking towards the door when something caught my eye. I know this will sound very very odd and not make sense but not much does i suppose. I saw what looked like a black and white puffin hobble towards me... a ghost puffin. It wasn't my toys, it wasn't something i had seen in a film. I saw it with my eyes wide open and it scared the crap out of me. I lept out of bed ran straight through it, across the hall into my Mums room, where her and Pat... her girlfriend at the time were asleep. My mum put me back to bed and told me it was the heat playing tricks on me. I took her word for it and fell back asleep.

My dad used to pick me up every Sunday, we would do something together, he would take me to the clog factory, Camelot theme park or swimming i loved it.

I do remember my dad taking me to all sorts of different places, he tool me to a ladies house. There was one house that had lots of other children, this house always sticks in my mind because the lady always made me juice in a mug that had a pottery frog at the bottom. I love frogs! I also remember my dad playing tennis in a huge court there with her.  There was also another house we would visit possibly the same lady, i would stay there with her two children and she had lots of animals in her house Birds, and a hedgehog she was looking after in the kitchen.

 My mum and dad split up and i was told he had cheated on my mum and had 2 other children with another woman.

A lady called Sam would also regularly come to see me and bring books called HOW TO SAY NO! I didn't really understand why. Still don't, maybe part of some sort of child protection thing?

I stopped seeing my dad when i was around 11 because i told my Mum that he had told me off for teaching Becki to pull her knickers down to boys. After that i never saw my Daddy again. I wish i'd never told her. My dad claimed that this man who used to visit him called Philip was his brother (which i now know can't have been right). He had a little girl called Becky who Philip (her dad) would hit with his belt if she was naughty. My dad was living with a lady called Win at the time who i always thought was a witch i don t remember her ever really speaking to me.

Although i have completely no memory of my dad ever doing anything perverted towards me, he was always a good dad as far as i know. I'm sure my Mum tried to make out that my dad was some kind of abuser or that he would take me to places where they would abuse children. When my Mum stopped me seeing him she was almost looking for all the information she could find on reasons for him not to see me. Win (the witch) told my mum that my dad would sit me on his knee when he went to the toilet. HOW ABSURD! He never did. Mum didn't want me to see Dad and Win wanted me and My mum out of her life so she could have my dad to herself i imagine (unless thats just how i felt about it all at the time).

I'm sure my dad maybe wasn't perfect but he didn't deserve all this. Now i really want to see him but i don't know the first thing of his whereabouts or how to start looking for him, or if he would even want to see me? Anyone any ideas?

I love my Mummy more than anything and i'm not holding a grudge as i understand she was trying to protect me, but my Dad deserves a chance, if he wants one.

Whilst i never saw my dad again, my Mum and Lou used to take me to see their friends M and D another gay couple, they were my adopted daddys. Daddy M and Daddy D. They showered me with love and treat me like their own. I loved it, couldn't have asked for 4 better parents, i was completely surrounded by love. I don't see Daddy D so much anymore as he has maried his new partner D.

I see my Daddy M as often as possible. He has moved to Wales now to start an new life. He lived in Oldham with D( who is now married). Then moved to Halifax, he met Tim an American guy on the internet who turned a bit strange and moved to London. Then he met Jeremy also on the internet, they lived happily together for a while but i guess you can never really know someone when you don't know much of their background. Soon they were both alcoholics, it was devastating watching this happen and being completely useless, and unable to help them. I thought he was going to die and i couldn't stand it. My mum and Lou helped them get better. It happened for maybe a year where they would get better then slump back into their drunkenness and same again on and off and on and off.

When they got better they sold up and moved to Wales, Jeremy went bk to America and my Daddy now has a new doggy for company. He had a beautiful Dog before he moved away called Becky but she died, i loved that dog, big bundle of cuddles! Really upset when she died.

Although my Mum stopped me seeing my Dad, i remember once i was sat right in front of my Mum with my uncle F sat next to me on the floor, he put his hands down the back of my trousers and sat there feeling my bum. It was right in front of my Mum, i remember thinking she must be able to see him doing this? Or maybe she was testing me to see if i'd say anything, but i was too embarrased to move or say anything. It was never brought up?

The junior school i went to was brilliant Copley Junior school i loved it. Mrs Jackson who taught music was my favourite she always wore a bright pink cardigan and really pronounced her s's. I remember once being told off for stealing chocolate from other students lunch boxes. I wasn't hungry i was just being naughty for no reason and it was the trying not to get caught that must have made it fun, but i got caught eating chocolate in assembly. In my 4th year at school, i was once eating my lunch in mr Cowies classroom where the older children were allowed to eat, a boy called Jason who was a year above me or two waited untill the other children had gone and he locked me and himself in the classroom. When i asked if i could leave he asked me to pull my knickers down so he could touch me, i was scared so i let him do it. I told the head teacher straight away, my mum came into school and pushed him against the drain pipe that was covered in melting tar, she was really mad!

When i was still at junior school, i remember going into the bottom drawer of my mums magazine collections and asking My mummy and Lou " what is gay" ? My mum replied it was like her and Lou (My mums girlfriend). I tottally accepted this and went into school to announce to everyone that i had two Mummys. My young primary school friends also accepted it and were quite jelous at the time. I think because i told people openly and wasn't embarrased about it, everyone always accepted it and it was never an issue. My Mum is now married to Lou. They are very happy infact i don't think i have ever seen my Mum unhappy once since they have been together.

The next school i went to was Brooksbank high school, awful. No body really liked me. I got bullied for the whole 2 years i went there. HATED IT! I went out with a couple of the nice guys. All cuties, I can't of been that bad? The older guys always walked down to the bus stop with me after school, they were always nice. I can't remember how but i met this older guy in school called Karl i thought he was amazing, gave me butterflies in my stomach. He was a bit of a bad boy with floppy blonde hair and pink cheeks, gorgeous! Eventually i left that school and went to Calder high i loved it there.

My other Mummy had a cousin called B, she is a hair dresser, she had a salon in the downstairs of her enormous stunning house. I would go to Selby to see B when my Mums went to have their hair done. B had two sons Brendan and Sebastian. Brendan was a ballet dancer, you'd expect him to be camp or maybe feminine looking but he certainly wasn't. I'd sometimes sit with him whilst they were doing their hair. Once i was sat in the room with Brendan and he asked me if i wanted to practice giving him a hand job. He was only 2 or 3 years older than me. He didn't make me do anything and i was too shy to do it. I always liked him though think i had a crush on him for quite a while.

On my first day at Calder high i had my hair braided as i had just come back from visiting my Grandparents in Guyana. Made loads of friends and everyone was really nice. Me and Lisa made friends at that school and she is still my best friend now, the best kind of best friend you can get! I was never really interested in learning anything specific, more interested in boys and friends. I skived off school quite alot but didn't drink. Went on a school trip once to York me and Stacy met some men who owned a shop they made us cups of tea so we sat upstairs in the shop with them for hours. Only now i realise how dangerous that was!

I'll carry on a bit later getting hand cramo now. lol

I can't belive i just spent hours writing the rest up and it didn't even save it!

 Ill start again, wont be as good as the first time around but ill try.

Well one night me and Lisa went to the Bonfire night firework display that is held in Hebden Bridge. There i bumped into Adam C a 5th form student also stand in Pe Teacher i was 14 at the time. I ended up loosing my virginity to him. It was strange because he had light ginger hair was small but quite stocki and his penis was slightly bent at the end. (Bizzare) He obviously assured me he wouldn't leave me, we never had a proper relationship like he said we would but we did do it again. I was just very nieve. Like a 14 year old would be i imagine. I wrote him a really filthy love letter i think i got some of the stuff from the sex section in Girls magazine More. Somehow everybody got to read it. Funnily enough i wasn't embarrased? Well that relationship didn't last long anyhow.

I used to go to Blockbuster quite often and met a guy called P. He would pick me up from school and i would scive for the whole day to see him we would go to his house and watch Freddie Cruger box sets. He was lovely. Really gentle nice guy. We just grew out of each other i guess.

I then started seeing a guy called Robbo i used to see him on the bus when i was going to Elland, but we never really spoke. Eventually i was on a night out and he was in the same bar as me, we got talking and that was the start of a 2 and 1/2 year relationship if you want to call it that, it wasn't a very good one. The start was good as it usually is (the honeymoon period). We used to take regular trips to deep pan pizza and Blackpool pleasure beach, that part was great. He used to smoke alot of Cannabis which i eventually joined him in doing. Boredom i guess. Robbo took his regular trips to visit some so called mates of his Chris and Becki ( a pretty, small, blonde girl with a walking disability) who i eventually made the mistake of befriending.Whilst we were together i knew something was going between him and Becki, i just didn't want to come across as a paronoid girlfriend, so i never said anything. Until one night we all went round to Becki's and took some ecstasy tablets, i asked them to kiss each other in front of me (remember i was under the influence) although he didn't decline and i could then see there was definately something there. Rob who was Robbos friend asked if he could kiss me but Aked told us to stop what we were doing and didn't think it was a good idea.

One night me and my friend Paula went to the Acapulco and bumped into just Chris, we went back to stay at his house, he was trying to stroke my back and legs whilst i was asleep, it was really uncomfortable and i had to keep shoving him off, out of RESPECT for my then boyfriend. The spliffs and drugs  took a disastrous effect on our relationship and he became very abusive. One day he came back from work and i must have said something to annoy him, which ended up with him punching me in the stomach and busting my nose. I ran all the way upstairs to the top floor flats, they rang the police along with quite a few of the other neighbours who heard the commotion and he was arrested. I never spoke to him again.

I met a friend of mine called Laura through Robbo as she used to live in a hostel across from the flats. At least i got something good from the relationship.

Andy my sexy man always says that all this experience is character building. I agree.

Whilst still in a relationship with Robbo, me and Laura went to meet 2 male friends of ours at the Brass cat a bar in town. Friends are Billy and Ade. I was sat at the table with everyone and Laura and Ade had a bit of a disagreement, can't remember what it was about but Ade said i always know the right thing to say at the right time. It made me feel really good like everything went really quiet when he said it. Anyway we set off in Honda accord type r to Huddersfield. Billy driving, me in the passenger seat, Laura in the back of the car in the middle and Ade on the right hand side next to the window. Gully a taxi driver pulled up at the side of us and was teasing Billy to race him. Billy set off ahead at some speed... showing off. I put my seat belt on and Billy said .. don't you trust me? I always said every time he asked me this " i do trust you it's other drivers i don't ". Any how half way down the road the car spun and smashed side on into the wall of the methodist church, flipped upside down and skided down the road. When i woke up i was still fastened into my seat unbelieveably unharmed, K was bleeding from the mouth and ears and unable to talk i just kept hold of his hand and kept talking to him. I could hear Laura in the road, she was shouting for her ex Z, she had gone through the windscreen and dislocated her shoulder, luckily the windscreen popped out and went with her. Ade was another story.. i kept asking where is he .. where is he... no answer. I later found out he had died instantly after being thrown from the side window of the vehilcle. DEVASTATED.

We all had to go to court eventually when Billy was out of intensive care. Billy got 7 and 1/2 years.. Death by dangerous driving... like he didn't already have a life sentence of guilt.

I am very lucky to be alive, someone is definately watching over me.

When i left school i decided i wanted to be a ********, it looked glamourous and made me feel sexy which i certainly didn't feel. I am or was quite the exhibitionist so the job suited me just fine. I worked at La salsa, Buffallo Lounge, Centre Folds, Wild cats etc for 4 years and i really did enjoy it, and the money was fantastic. I made quite a few nice friends none who were really real friends i have come to realise now... but oh well no loss. Learned that people have many different fetishes some like to be trampled with high heels, foot fetishes, under wear sniffers lol, the ones who blow between your legs whilst you are bent over in front of them, i think they thought that turned me on....... it doesn't! Ones who decided it was a good idea to expose them selves as i turned around to face them.... believe me thats nothing to be proud of guys! After a while i realsied there was only so many conversations i could have with the men and started to get bored. The best line was " why don't you get your stuff and come with me i'll take care of you, you will never have to do this again" as if i was some kind of orphan slave dancer forced to stay there and ***** down to nothing by some evil pimp lol. Although it was kinda sweet of them to offer. Thanks Guys! Another thing was all the girls who ever picked on me in school got what was coming to them as their boyfriends used to come to La Salsa and get private dances fairly regularly from me. Revenge was quite bitter but sweet!

Whilst dancing at La Salsa i did a job with some of the girls in London where they took nude pictures of us all. My gosh i regret doing that. Can you imagine leaving that life and then 10 years down the line those pics come out. Luckily they haven t! Touch wood.

Whilst working at La salsa i met M and I , both very well known guys in Huddersfield for their promiscuity and cheekyness. I is my boyfriends brother.

I was walking up the road one day with my friend Laura when a guy called Q stopped his car and asked for my number. I gave it to him and he drove off. He called me continuously for some time, i kept saying i would meet him but never followed through with it, let him down quite a few times actually. I eventually decided to let my guard down again and meet up with him. It wasn t the best relationship as he couldn't spend as much time with me as i would have liked due to the fact that he and his family were muslim and they wouldn't have allowed their son to see a none muslim british girl like me. On a weekend he would pick me up and take me to Club Venus in Manchester Deans gate, i loved it. We would smoke weed, take pills, sniff cocaine etc. I was always really disappointed when i had to go home! He once booked us two tickets to London which was very sweet and we went and stayed there one weekend with his friends it was fab, exept for his mum finding out i was with him, making him cry and her saying he had shamed his family. Was i that bad? After that i saw him even less as his Mum had her eyes on him all the time. It got to a point where i wasn't happy with our meeting arrangements.. as i hardly ever saw him and i didn't trust him either. We ended up arguing all the time and we couldn't agree on anything. One day we were sat in the car smoking a spliff when i noticed my boobs were leaking a clear liquid and started getting terrible cramps in my stomach. I went for a scan straight away. The lady told me to look at the screen and sure enough i was pregnant ,21 weeks to be precise. Only problem was i was very young minded, and still very selfish me and Q weren't in a good place and were on the verge of a break up. I booked into hospital for a termination and had to give birth to baby Q, believe me i had no idea how bad what i was doing really was.

I went to hospital at Halifax and the procedure began, i really didn't realise the seriousness of what i was doing. I was in hospital for 21 hours in agony which i now believe i tottally deserved. My friend Laura stayed with me for support. I think Q came to support me for a whole 20 mins.

After the termination my weight went from maybe 9 and 1.2 stone to 8 stone 4 pounds and i am 5 ft 7 inches. I was extreamly depressed and angry at myself. I felt/ feel like a murderer RIP Baby Q. Me and Q split up after one year. I told Q when we split  up that i could guarantee he would be ringing me soon begging me to come back.

One night i went into Halifax town on a night out with my friend Kez, we ended up in the Coliseum night club. I saw my cousin Nim and we exchanged numbers. I knew she had a new boyfriend called Ant who i had had a bit of a thing with when i was younger , nothing serious. I told her about this so that no one else would bring it up to her and twist it. Nim instantly got really upset stormed into the girls toilets and started crying and screaming at me. I was trying to explain it happened so long ago and it really was nothing. Nim didn't listen just threw her glass at me which smashed into the sinks. There was no use in talking to her, she didn't want to listen. We still don t speak.

Later on in the night i was stood by the top bar when i bumped into M and I, we started talking and decided to go to Leeds for a drink. Andy was driving we had barely spoken, i hadn't met him before, I's little brother. We got to Winstons (brothel) in Leeds and when we all got to the door they said no girls allowed, M and I went in whilst me and Andy decided to go and get some food (curry). We had a really good chat i knew i instantly liked him but was nervous of him knowing his bro's track record. We went to pick them up and I made a joke that Andy had been blackening his name whilst they were in the ***** house (lol). I (me) sarcastically said "oh yeah me and your brother have been making wedding arrangements whilst you were gone". Andy replied that he couldn't do that without my phone number and passed me his phone. THE START OF MY NOW WONDERFUL LIFE. WHO KNEW.

When me and Andrew got together i stayed with him every night and he would come pick me up from work La salsa at 2/3am in a morning. I could never wait to see him so sometimes i'd finish early.

We were due to go on holiday when in the first few months of meeting him. Me Andrew and his family but unfortunately it never happened. Andrews uncle John hadn t been heard from for 3 days or so but yet his neighbours confirmed that his car hadn t moved from the drive and his house lights were on. Me Andrew his Mum and Dad rushed round to the house, when we arrived i didn t go inside. Andrew and his Dad found John curled up in a ball on the floor. He had taken Barbiturates and commited suicide he left them a note.

 As you can imagine no one was happy for quite some time. Luckily i have never had to experience loosing some one close to me in this way. I really felt awful for them all. Andrew started to have bad dreams and hallucinate that he could see his uncle laying in a ball on our bedroom floor during the night. I have always been afraid of the dark and ghosts etc or scared of seeing one anyhow so i was terrified when he said these things to me.


SweetP11 SweetP11
22-25, F
5 Responses Oct 3, 2008

I to have bad dad problems I don't talk to him much but he will call me every month or 2 and say you still have a dad ..... I say my step dad is more of a dad than he will ever be

You really have had some exciting times, maybe you'll get your chance with Dad. Wish I knew more of how to look for people, sorry. You seem like you have been innocently thrust into alot of situations, and have remained positive, openminded and in a way free...that's really great!

Hey KINDAMAGIC. Thank you for your comment. As strange as it sounds, i'm sure these experiences have affected me in someway but i have always been a very happy and positive. More since i got with my current boyfriend, he is my rock i suppose. I am extreamly nice to other people i guess that is what keeps me so happy inside and it must show on the outside too? xo

What flutter said. Oh, and this (((Hugs))). Keep on staying positive.

Thanks for your comments honey. You seem really lovely. I don't actually know you. You just seem like the sort of person i like. xoxo