I Had Drunk Sex With My Friend Who Is In A Relationship

So I started this summer job where there is a group of us living in the halls on campus. The guy that lives across from me is basically best friends with a guy I knew from high school, so I knew of him before this summer and had met him once. It's only been three weeks into summer, but the two of us have gotten pretty close as friends. He has been in a relationship for about 4 months now and what I've heard from him and our mutual friends is that both of them want to break up with each other but just won't for some reason. I've talked with him a couple times, and each time he says that she just doesn't make him happy, he doesn't feel as if she actually likes him, and he wants to break up with her. They live four hours away from each other though and in his words, not mine, he "doesn't have the balls to break up with her." I currently have a complicated "relationship" with a guy..basically we hit it off right away and were instantly friends. Things started getting towards a relationship and he pulled away so quickly. Now he won't even talk to me. So this past weekend, a couple co-workers and I went out to a friends house. Three of us (the guy I mentioned earlier, a girl, and I) walked back and ended up sitting in my room for awhile. The guy went to his room and I guess called his girlfriend and talked to her for awhile. After a bit the girl went to bed and I was still wide awake. I remember walking over to his room and he let me inside. I think we talked for awhile..but my timing is all fuzzy. He asked if I wanted a back rub and I said sure. I remember I just continued talking..and then my memory starts getting really fuzzy. I somehow ended up on his futon cuddling with him. His hands began to wander and he asked if this was okay..I don't remember what I said..I don't think I said anything honestly. We kissed I know and he asked if he should get a condom. I know for a fact that I never answered that. I remember thinking, "no" but I was so confused as to what was happening. I remember pain and him telling me to be quiet. He wanted me to stay, but I wanted to leave. I woke up in my bed..I don't remember how I got there exactly. I feel so ashamed..but I don't remember most of what happened. And I don't think he's even bothered by this:/
allymo10 allymo10
22-25
May 29, 2013