If I had to count, I'd say 4 total attempts, counting one that literally never got off the ground but only because something stood in my way. Otherwise, 3 that were actually attempted and simply not successful.

My personal truth is that I wouldn't mind if any of those attempts had succeeded. I do not suffer from depression, my reasons are more detailed than I wish to go into, but people in my life would never even suspect I have these feelings. I'm a happy and spiritually satisfied person in most ways. Physical life on Earth, to me however, is just a party I don't want to be at, and it's not 'cause of the people. And what do you do when you're at sketchy party -- you ~leave~. You can read my story on my website: http://www.chajadan.net/suicidalForLife.html

I am firmly against people describing suicide like it's never the right choice. People live like barnacles who say the whale of life is the only place it's at, like people in abusive relationships who are afraid to be alone so they take it. And of course, many are just fine with things the way they are. In any case, suicide is like any other door you choose to open and no one has the right to force you to accept your fate.

I also do not believe suicide is necessarily a cure for all things. I don't have the facts, but I believe in existence beyond the physical body, so if the issue is somehow not about the body or this location, it may go with you. In my case, my primary issues all relate to pain, and personally I do not necessarily believe that suicide is the final pain, simply because we are a dreaming consciousness in my eyes that so far seems to rub up into the pain topic often enough.

My last attempt was years ago, and I'm not currently specifically planning another attempt, but in many ways I think it is what would be best for me, so given that, one never knows when I might go. I'm not entirely sure of my primary reason for staying, but I'm aware of a few of these. Plus, life isn't now, nor is it generally, busy giving me much pain, so there's not some huge rush. But I very much do not let myself stay for the "good things", because I believe there will always be good things no matter where in existence you are. Staying on Earth because I like ice cream, or sex, people, or whatever, is not worth the price tag to me. I expect most those things to not just be a here thing anyway, and I can accept my list of good things shifting around.
chajadan chajadan
36-40, M
Aug 23, 2014