A Narrow Escape...
I recalled this 11 years later when a friend asked me a question that triggered a flash of images which had been locked away in my subconscious. At the age of 25, I was discussing old school dates with a friend of mine. She mentioned remembering me dating one guy and I replied with a 'are you crazy? I've never dated him, I never even talked to him'. She looked at me strangely and said, 'I was invited over to his house where he and some friends were having a party. When I got there you both were on the sofa kissing. I was so upset because I had a crush on him that I ran out.' To say the least I was very surprised to hear her recollection because I did not date him and I certainly never made out with him. I looked at her, giving her that old sideways 'are you pulling my leg' look. I said, 'I never dated him.' That pretty much ended our conversation.
Over the next few days pictures flashed into my mind, pictures I didn't recall because when they happened I was in such a state of confusion. During the next week I was able to put together enough pieces of the puzzle that I think...as in I'm pretty darn sure that I was given a date rape drug...and it would have been in my drink. Here's what happened...
My best friend invited me to her place for a sleep-over. I was in 8th grade. Yup. Young. Still a virgin, OF COURSE... The first recollection of that night is an image of my friend and I sitting on the front porch of her neighbor's house with sodas. Her neighbor is a kid from our school and one of his friends is on the porch with us.
The next thing I remember is feeling someone moving my face around. As I groggily came to I was aware of someone kissing me and laying on top of me. My first response was to kiss back and then I realized I had no idea where I was, I had no idea who I was kissing. I opened my eyes and saw this boy from my school. Don't get me wrong, he was not bad looking, but I had never even spoken to him in school. At 14 I had kissed a boy, but never made out like this. It jarred me awake, yet I was still very confused. I pushed him back and said, where am I? Then I asked how I got on the sofa. He said I just walked in by myself and laid down. He tried to kiss me again and I pushed him back and said to wait. My head was spinning and I looked at him, trying to figure out what was going on. I certainly didn't want to be on the sofa with him and I said, 'I'm leaving'. He called out to someone who was in another room and said (and this struck me as odd at the time) "Hey ****, she woke up and wants to leave" the guy called out and said "let her".
I went back to my friend's house and let myself in. It didn't occur to me at the time that she wasn't home, so she would have been in the room with the guy that said to let me leave. She came in several hours later. She crawled into bed and we never spoke of it. I didn't even remember it until my other friend, 11 years later, said she saw me kissing this guy on his sofa.
As I've thought back on it I've been thankful every day that I have a high tolerance to drugs. I've always needed higher doses than the average person. I remember waking up on an operating table when I was having a pin hammered through my knee for traction. I couldn't feel anything, but I remember raising my head and seeing the Dr. hit the pin with a hammer and feeling the reverbration up my bones. I remember the shocked looks on everyone's face when they saw me with my head up and then I saw a needle go into my leg and I was out again.
I carried a lot of guilt for years when I realized, in my confused state, I walked out of a house where my best friend was being raped. I went to her house and went to sleep. I never knew, but I felt that somehow I should have put two and two together. It's taken me years to come to terms with the fact that I was not in a logical state because (well, 1st I was an eighth grader, who's logical at that age?)But also, I was still feeling heavy effects from the drug.
Another thought occurred to me over the years as well. I don't know how long I was out, but this guy was only kissing me. I think that he had plenty of time to do much worse, but for some reason that was all he had done so far. Perhaps he was conflicted about his actions. Maybe that's why he let me go so easily. For that I am also thankful.
Upon recollecting that, I made it a policy never to drink something another person offers me unless it is a very close friend, or I have watched them open it and pour it. It has made me very cautious.