Hurting Too Bad To Ever Try Again

It seems as though each time I try to share my heart, it gets thrown right back at me. For the longest time I thought a happy life was achievable, now I don't think it is. My heart has been ripped out of my chest so many times and shattered. Each time has been harder to pick up the pieces and carry on. I've never looked for prince charming, just a good hearted, honest man to accept me just as I am. I've given up on ever finding that man, so many want to play games. Walking away without ever thinking about the heart they crushed. I don't drink, smoke, curse or disrespect people. I have a good job, enjoy cooking and am great at it. I was married for twenty-seven years faithfully, and caught my ex cheating on me. So I filed for divorce, it was granted, my children are grown and I am ready to start enjoying life again. But I would rather spend my life alone than ever have a broken heart again.
lajj8 lajj8
46-50, F
11 Responses Oct 8, 2010

I truly hope you find a special someone, you have so much to offer.

I miss talking with you. Hope all is okay.

So...I see this was posted over 2 years ago, how are you now? Have you found peace?

I know how you feel, i was with someone for 8 years and thought we were happy, but in the end we split. Have been single now for a good few years apart from a few relationships if you can can call them that, and each time have gotten my heart broken, I feel like im never gonna find mr right, dont know if it's me or them. I seem to fall quickly, but i dont get possessive cause i believe if they want to be with you they will be, it's just soooo hard to find someone nice, and find it hard to trust men alot now, i agree with yu that would rather be alone than get hurt again.

Yes i understand your pain, dear one. I have three children, by three different fathers. The first a drug user, the second, an alcoholic physically and mentally abusive, the third , physically and mentally abusive, and my oldest daughter also caught him cheating on me. I have not met a man who has not tried to control and belittle me or my children, and i wish that there was a way that i could have someone for companionship, that wasn't a belittling two timer. yes im a little bitter. I grew up going to church , by an upstanding family with good values. My parents were community oriented , and not abusive to eachother or me. i have no excuse.I grew up with trust. And now i don't trust anyone.MY EX LATELY DECIDED TO SLANDER ME AGAIN TO SOCIAL SERVICES, by saying im a drug user.Before now he had claimed many other ridiculous lies to social services, to make me look bad. They were investigated and proven to be false. I took a drug test for the latest hoop jumping, which came back negative for drug use.I have a deep seated hatred for him now beyond the norm but have moved again, after he threatened me and my children , and he was slapped with a no contact order. I have moved five times in the last year and a half to be safe from this mans harassment. i think now we are finally there. My aunt revealed my location to him last time. i cannot trust anyone, and will never let anyone in my heart again. So all i can say to you is be very careful who you trust to come into your life, as they can easily make it hell.

I honestly wish someone would explain this to me: Why don't men want honest, loving relationships with other human beings?

What is so repulsive about the idea of having a true love who is also your best friend: someone you can share unconditional love with? Laugh with? Count on? Why is the idea of that so horrifying to them? And on top of that--why do they SAY they want a loving relationship, when they really don't? They're just wasting everyone's lives.

Its truly sad -iknow... Im struggling too after being taken for a ride by a nasty n attractive con artist. Im trying hard to let go but struggling most days. Its just humiliating most days now. Ugh!!! I want him out of my life, my heart, my head, my soul.., i want to BE happy again. He is gone but still hes all over my psychological mind. Its nasty some days the havok his memories create in my mind. They stop me completly cold at times!! 😞

dont give up!

All I can say is, I've been there, done that. <br />
I agree with zaltfrog: "Life is so short that we don't have time to build walls around ourselves".<br />
I am happy that you have found someone special. My hope for you is that you find in him all that you are looking for.

lajj8, this sounds so much better. I am happy for you.

Thanks for the comments everyone, the experiences I was referring to were break-ups from my past. Before my marriage and my marriage itself. I do have a special man in my life that I love very much thanks to EP. He shows me kindness and respect and truly loves me. He is an answered prayer.

I feel you...llja8...Don't turn off your may be blocking that one individual that is out there for you...Don't look for that person...for I do believe that the two of you will walk into each others lives and you'll be happy that you were still prayers are with you...!!!

im so sorry for all your pain im just 36 was married ten yrs not nearly as long as u but i have had my heart broken by numerous heartless people like u im currently married to a man that cant seem to stop being physical abusive with me all while i deal with breast cancer ive stopped praying cause im questing gods existence cause ive been through so much pain i feel hopeless but my heart go's out to u i am so sorry heartbreak is so devastating i wonder if the preportraitors will ever reap what they sew i ish u all the happiness u deserve

My friend, I wish I had the words to help you right now. I have been where you are at. All I can say is that I believe you should never lose faith in love. I did and built a wall that I didn't let down for ten years. But in the long run, I was the one who hurt myself. When my heart healed and I was mentally and emotionally ready, I found the one I will spend the rest of my life with. I guess I am saying that to not try is the end to hope for love. Reach out to people, but be cautious. You are in my heart and prayers.