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I Stll Love Him After 9 Years!!!!

I met him when i was only 17 years old and he was 19, at high school, him being my first boyfriend. He asked me out and we gradually became very close. Despite being very much in love for the following 4 years we  were together, we never had sex. Mainly because of our Christian backgrounds.

The main issue came when i was 20, i came from a different christian group than his, and so dated one guy from our church. The former found out and yes i did admit and promised to end the later  relationship. I guess he never forgave me from then on. Opportunity came up for him to move over to England, while i remained. Despite the long distance, i tried to show that i still cared for him very deeply. He called and eventually the calls stopped, 3 years down the line i met someone and fell pregnant. The phone calls started all over again, and i told him i had a kid out of wedlock. Frankly i dont know how hw felt about me then- i still asked myself why he bothered to call if he no longer cared for me. its been six years we apart and i still love him deeply. I cry a lot despite having a very supportive partner. Recently i saw his photos on facebook, God they made my heart sip and i wondered how he is doing without me. On his profile he mentioned that he is now married.. and the caption on his profile read..........TIME IS A HEALER. Yes time might have healed him but to me its still fresh. Hence the saying the first cut is the deepest. Now i am ready to settle down with the father of my child( we are getting married) and i still cant put the first man in my life out of life. I always wonder what made him change his mind. Was it the change of continents? Did his family have anything to do with his decisions?. At least for him it was easier to cope with the loss than me, i had to face reminders of him ( blooming jacaranda trees, his favourite cologne, the fire station were he used to work, his friends that i would occassionaly meet, some music,) I wish he would stop calling me but i just cant bear the thought of living without hearing his voice. It is very difficult after NINE years to forget him. Will i ever forget him? Will i ever live without his memory so deeply embossed in my mind?I wonder? Its so painful that i cry and cry and cry

qhubani qhubani 26-30, F 1 Response May 6, 2010

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wow, did you ever move on