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Such Cruel Love

I remember what it was like falling in love, but unfortunately I was a fool back then. This time I was more careful in getting myself heartbroken, I wanted to be sure that no one would hurt my heart again. Though, I failed. I fell for another guy that was unavailable. He was so stupid, or so I thought. My heart wanted to scream out loud, wanted to tell him so much, How much I loved him. I checked each day, waiting for him to be online. I thought maybe I could make him fall for me. That there was a possible chance. That maybe he could choose me, that he could understand. I wanted him to hold me so much. But it all ended bad. I did tell him, but he didn't seem surprised. A big disappointment. My heart wanted him desperately. It hurts, knowing he doesn't know how much I love him. I told my friend I liked him and to my surprise she also liked him. My friend and I talked so much about him. She'd let me know when he was online. I'd be so excited, and I'd tell her what he said to me and what he said to her. We both was madly in love with him, but unfortunately he already liked someone. I was kind of sad, but happy that he was happy. My friend felt the same way. But unexpectedly he told me he wanted to ask out my friend. My heart started beating so fast, like it was going to burst. I backed away, letting myself cry inside. Everything started hurting. I didn't want to tell him that I hated that and how could he do this to me?  So instead I said "Go for it". The words choked back into my throat. I couldn't breath. Tears welled inside my eyes. How could he? Does he even know how I feel? I just walked back, and ran into the bathroom, closed the door, and cried. I cried so much, luckily no one was there. I was so mad and sad and confused, all at the same time. The sad part is, my friend said yes. They both didn't care how I felt. They were going out in front of me. It was embarrassing seeing them together, and me alone. I cried each night, each moment I knew they would be together.  I stopped texting them, I stopped looking at them. I stopped caring, but it still hurts. I still watch them even if hurt. I tried to move on, but it was hard. So hard, but I just starting thinking positive. It was cruel. I am too nice to stand up for myself. I'll try again. But i'm going to give love a break. But i'll definitely try again. I'll never make that mistake again, falling for a guy you know will never like you back. :) just trust your heart next time, believe in hope
thelastword22 thelastword22 13-15 May 27, 2012

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