I'm Told To Feel Everything

I'm 36 yrs old,never married no children and realizing in the course of my life I've never committed to finishing a single thing that took time and patience to complete. Lol, I tend to arrive at my life's "grand" moments a little late. All the above true in my moments of love & relationships. My first real kiss was age 20, my first real relationship was age 25 to 29 emotionally connected in heart and soul to my best friend Kevin, who was gay. Everything but the physical,we had. I lost him to his truth. My first real emotional and physical relationship was age 30 to 32, I lost my virginity and lost him to an overdose. At age 34 I fell in love for the first time, and for the first time committed to something unseen before, the thoughts of love, just being in love, the what of what's to come, marriage, and even babies. I was more than he, emotionally and physically, it just took me til age 36 to realize what I wanted he was not yet ready to give at least not with me. Now single,starting the day of my 36th birthday, I've begun to question myself, my naivete, insecurities that I never thought I had have festered their ugly heads, and I have begun questioning myself if I am too much for the men I'm attracted to, do I not know how to date, is my size a problem, will I ever find my truth in love. I live too much in the idea of my relationships and when its over I'm left with the thought...what am I to feel?
ardeneveryday ardeneveryday
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

You have discovered yourself, your wishes and your needs. Now go find your love, Ms. arden!