You Will Get Over Them; Life Will Become Even Better

This last year has been both the best and worst of my life. There was a lady; I loved her, she broke my heart. An experience that has happened and IS happening to many. She has been out of my life for a few months now, but as far as broken connections go, this one happened at the right time, and its consequences allowed me to flourish.
I'll forego her name, but she was the first friend I'd had in more than ten years; her showing me that friendship, reaching out to me as it were, changed my life. It showed me that there were people out there who liked me. This is all so long ago that I can barely recognize who I was back then. She became my best friend, almost as emotionally close as a sister; I say "emotionally", as her one rule in stone was I couldn't see her much more than twice a year.
How does one respond to that? One, like me, who was raised around sleepovers and playmates? Who valued spending time with friends over anything else. Saying I didn't take it well is an understatement. I was crushed, I was confused, I struggled for reasons; accused her of hating me, or not trusting me. I went insane; I broke down in tears more times than I could count, spent days at a time heartbroken; my jealousy soared when I found out she would see her other friends but not me, and it hurt in every way possible when she would ignore me for days; or weeks; at a time, mad at me for wanting to see her.
And yet, I stayed, for after all was said and done, she would tell me I was her best friend, that she valued me above all else. I was too infatuated to know otherwise. She kept me on the edge, telling me she didn't want to be friends anymore, and back then, loving her as deeply as I did, I couldn't comprehend the idea of life without her.
We were friends for three restless years before she had had enough of my love, as it were. I have never felt as scared as I did when she would tell me it was over; something she told me about every three months. Then the day came...she was going to the same university as I frequented, and she told me to not say hi to her when we ran into each other; she wanted to keep our "friendship" to Facebook, and nothing else. I was more than heartbroken, seeing your best friend turn away from you in the hall and acting like she doesn't know you. She later told me she didn't want to "do this" anymore.
I completely broke down, but the friends I thought weren't close to me came to my aid in a fascinating way. They were there for me, through the whole of my crying, through my frustration, my self despair and self pity. They stood by my side and refused to give up on me. It was then that I understood that it would be ok, that these friends who held me up were the ones who truly liked me for me; they liked me as a good friend would, and they accepted me, flaws and all.
That changed my understanding of who I am in more ways than I thought possible. I became more relaxed, knowing that a friend will like you for you, and if they don't, it's OK to say goodbye to them. There's only a certain amount you can change your values, your thresholds for emotional pain and the amount of rejection you can pretend is something else. But sometimes, you simply can't see (or know) what needs to be changed until the change is forced upon you.
I'll be forever grateful to those friends who stuck by my side for those shaky times, and my eternal gratitude goes out to that friend, for by leaving me she forced me to find that inner strength and knowledge of myself that brought out a contentment I'd never known could be possible.
ddosdall ddosdall
18-21, M
Dec 9, 2012