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Broken Promises

All those promises broken. My heart shattered. Left my body numb. Broken morals.
Those were the four things he left me. I gave him everything possible. I tried so hard to make it work, get him back, to love him. We had a good relationship I guess you could say.. We fought a few times. Mainly because I got jealous he would want to hang out with "sisters". Those fights always left me in tears. He also lived 6 miles away. Somehow I was only able to see him once a week. He was a cowboy. The first thing that got me was his eyes. I could name every color in them and describe them in great detail. I could name what he wore when I first saw him.
I saw him at my sisters volleyball game. Everytime I would walk by him we would make eye contact for a split second then my being so shy, I would look down and blush. I never thought I would see that guy again. Then I was with my best friend who I saw once a month her family friend sent her a pic of him with her sister.. She showed me.. I swear I saw that guy before.. IT WAS HIM! I pranked him and sent him a text saying "Will you marry me?" We then started talking every moment of the day. He said that he remembered me and said he called dibs against his friend. September 2011 we started dating. I would go to his house and hang out. We would always be kissing and cuddling. He was my first kiss and my first love. We often talked about marriage. We both wanted the same family. We were in love. I believe I was going to marry him. I gave myself to him.. Broke my morals to make HIM happy. Everything was going great, except his dad had cancer. One sunday we were petting a horse and he held my face in his hands and looked me in the eyes then said, "You know.. You are the best girl I have ever met. I am going to make you a promise. I promise NEVER to break up with you. No one and nothing will make me." I was happy. We made the best love that day. That day I met his grandparents. I remember his grandpa made pizza. He gave me 6 slices! I remember sneaking him four of my pieces. Then the day was almost over. We kissed for five minutes until I had to go home. He whispered in my ear and said he loved me so much then I got into the car and waved bye. Four days later the unexpected happened.. There were no signs at all. He said he was going to hurt me if I was with him and hurt me WHEN he was going to break up with me. We hadn't even been fighting! I remember telling him he won't hurt me if he STAYS with me. My heart crumbled. I thought the promise he made four days before was true. I remember crying in my moms arms. I cried everynight too. We tried being friends but he was trying to make me jealous. I called him a bad name. He went off on me. We stopped talking for a few months. Then I texted him in May because I was hurting. I thought maybe he would want me back. These next words burned through my head. He said, "I will never love you again." I was speechless. In my head I was searching for things I did. I thought maybe it's because of my weight. Or maybe I'm not good enough. He asked me if I wanted to know why. I knew I didn't want to know but I NEEDED to hear it. I needed to know why he didn't want me. He said, "I don't love you because my dad has cancer. God made someone for me who KNOWS when to back off when I need it. Someone who doesn't care much about me. We were never right for each other." I remember I was sitting at McDonalds with my best guy friend and a guy I had a crush on. I started crying and they held me. A few weeks after that, I of course texted him. I needed to talk to him. I missed him and told him I would try to change. Then I found out some lies.. He told me he was a virgin.. Turns out I was the 4th girl he has slept with.. I couldn't believe it. I felt so lied to and I still was hurting. I still loved him! A few months past by. I had a new boyfriend. He texted me.. He wanted to hook up. I still loved him. I was WILLING to cheat on my current boyfriend.. Then I was talking to my best guy friend. I was dating his brother at the time.. My friend told me that his brother was CHEATING on me. I felt so hurt! I broke up with him. Then two minutes later my ex had said "We just are going to have sex. This won't make me love you or get back together with you." I was so hurt. I told him that I hated him and wished him the best life and not to screw with hearts. That was in the summer. I had a breaking point. My best friend just moved and I needed someone to talk to. My ex currently has a girlfriend. I love him but no longer have the need to date him. We text every few weeks and I'm not even jealous. It was a long process with lots of tears and hugs. Throughout all of this I have learned a lot and have gotten so much stronger.
MeMe0326 MeMe0326 18-21, F Jan 2, 2013

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