I Have Had My Heart Broken
I never used to be open enough for someone to actually get to my heart, so no one ever got to break it. It was easy for me this way, and I really actually thought I could keep it that way forever. Of coursem, that's not how it went.
I met this guy. His name was Aljosha, and we fell in love. That's great and all, but we were too insecure to admit it. So, we were in love and not knowing feelings were returned.
Then there was this other guy. We got drunk and ended up making out. He told me he liked me, and Aljosha didn't. Afraid as I was of rejection I got in a relationship with the one I was not in love with. And that broke me. Completely.
The first months of our relationship, I couldn't help but think about Aljosha, who was obviously hurt by what I did. I felt awful, and couldnt be happy with my new found boyfriend.
After a while, I decided that because he was my boyfriend, I ought to love him. So I forced myself to fall in love with him, and surprisingly, I really did.
And then he dumped me. And that was worse then I ever thought it would be. I couldn't break the forced commitment anymore. It has taken me months to get over it.
