Polite Mask


I hid my cruel nature behind a polite mask.

 My friend, who has know me since grade school acts gruff but is a total wimp, gets the attention while I just smile. The worst part is the occasional girl that I am attracted to who is turned off because she thinks I am too nice. Lol…DD   

Dewduster Dewduster
66-70, M
9 Responses Mar 15, 2009

We have to embrace and share...help eachother get through our darkest aspect...DD

Hmmmm, I understand the hiding, but I'm an honest person. It would be the omission of that part of me I couldn't share. How could I? I have built the walls around my soul to even keep me out.

Over time all depths need to be embraced. Otherwise there is hiding and lying...DD

I can relate to your statement of someone getting hurt if they try to reach through the la<x>yers of protection to the soul of a hurt spirit. I also have la<x>yers of protection around my soul. My question to you Dear DD, does a healthy & happy relationship have to include the depth of touching each others soul? Would the heart and spirit be enough?

thatsnotlove, you asked a profound question. <br />
I now believe that at my core I was and am a spirit that was created by a Devine Deity. I believe that we all have a spark of that Devine in our essence. <br />
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Part of the charm of a cruel and dangerous person is the awareness, by someone who wants to love them, that they have a spark of the Devine still in them.<br />
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Know that NO ONE can rescue that essence except the indivial themselves. You are only going to get hurt if you try to reach through the la<x>yers of carefully built protective shields to touch the soul of this hurt spirit. <br />
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I was able to love and let down my defenses so I could risk love ONLY after years of self determine hard work. <br />
Please PM me if you want to help someone who is like me…DD

So DD - were you hiding your true self ( the kind and loving one) from yourself? Pretending to yourself that you did not care about anyone else? When in reality you were really MORE caring than most people ......and pained by their lack of caring? <br />
I have a personal reason for asking this question, and hope you will answer as best you can.

I'm trying to maintain a balance in my personality,I'm either to sweet (nice), or snappy, ;-0

[Quit "acting" and quit "hiding" anything.]- Thank you thatsnotlove for your commit on my post. Your wise statement -Quit "acting" and quit "hiding" anything... applies to people who are sane. <br />
I was not sane at the time that I was referring to. <br />
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Because of my life experiences up to that point I was without compassion for humans. I was a sociopath. <br />
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Please understand that it is important for me to be open and honest in telling my story on EP.<br />
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Only after years of hard work and the help of a gifted psychiatrist have I been able to like and even love others. <br />
I am now married for 25 years and have two sons who love me as I love them.<br />
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I love and like others more like you and can now walk w/o a mask…DD

Quit "acting" and quit "hiding" anything. Be you, your own true self. It is the only way to find your own true love.<br />
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You can never be "too nice" People who say that don't know how to live lovingly. "nice" is usually just respect for other people that is shown through our behavior toward them. "nice" is one of the most important aspects of a long term relationship. I have been married 30 years to "the one" and I always say there are only two things that really matter: KINDNESS and CHEMISTRY. It takes more strength to be kind than it does to be mean, that's for sure. If kindness were easier, we would not have so many divorces.