I Think I Am Addicted to Affairs

I suppose you could say my affairs started when I first got married - My first affair was not physical but emotional and verbal and started right after I was married with my best friend that I had know since I was a child. our converstations lasted a few months and then we went our seperate ways.  I remained faithful for several years and then my friend and I found each other again and began another online affair.  My first Physical affair took me completely by surprise.  My husband had just become Youth pastor of a church and was spending more time with the youth then with me and our 3 kids.  I was over 1000 miles away from any family and only had one real friend - it just so happened that it was my friends husband that made a pass at me and the next thing I knew we were becoming intimate emotionally and physically.  I was consumed by him and he became like a drug to me making me high as a kite when we talked or were together, yet as low as could be when I knew he was with her and not me.  We tried to break it off several times but we were both so consumed with each other it seemed impossible.  It lasted for several months and the guilt became to much and I confessed to my husband and he confessed to his wife.  we left the church and moved away and things improved between my husband and I for awhile but I always seemed to look at other men and wonder - After about a year or so my childhood friend and I reunited on the internet and once again began a more intense online affair then ever before to the point after awhile we had to break all contact as it was consuming us both. 2 years later my family and I (now 4 kids) moved closer to family and I began working.  Things between my husband and I continued to decline and my feelings and desires for him slowly subsided.  I contimplated divorce several times but for the childrens sake never said anything or did anything.  After working for about 3 or 4 months I became attracted to one of the men I see daily as he picks his daughter up from where I work.  I thought about him daily, even decided what I would where to work knowing I would see him.  One day when he walked in and had to wait for his daughter I invited him to sit next to me on the couch and wait - hoping it would spark some interest.  I suppose it did because shortly after that we began talking for periods of time when he picked her up and one day he made a comment about rumors being started about the two of us and I told him I would not mind.  The next day when I saw him I admitted to him I was attracted to him and he admitted he felt the same.  Eventually we exchanged cel phone numbers and began talking daily sometimes several times a day and after a short time our conversations became very intimate and sexual.  Eventually we made plans to spend a day together and he came to my house and we had the most intimate - passionate sex I have ever experienced in my life.  It gave me the most incredible high.  It was however alittle too passionate for him to handle and he admitted it scared him because it made him realize how consumed we could become with each other and it would destroy our families and our lives and neither one of us wanted that so we agreed not to share any more intimacy.  We do however talk almost every day and I do still see him during the week.  He has admitted that the desire and attraction is still there but can not go down that road with me.  I do at times still have a difficult time with our relationship and the lack of intimacy as I am so completely attracted to him - I think however that the man I truly am in love with is my child hood friend.  I never knew it was possible to be in love with more than one man or to even desire more than one man - yet now I see that it is possible and when it is not your husband you love or desire it makes things so difficult.  I still look at some men and wonder what would happen if I was able to be alone with them.  I think I may be addicted to having affairs.

 

sassywoman sassywoman
31-35, F
2 Responses Apr 10, 2007

Yes, you're addicted. I have the same addiction. Only difference is I keep changing husbands.

I think you're addicted to searching for the mental and physical intimacy you and the hubby are not having.