Sometimes I Feel Like Gandalf Going Through The Mines Of Moria


The path splits into three passages...each disappearing into
dark tunnels. Gandalf pauses, frowning.

I have no memory of this place.

LATER... The Fellowship are nervously waiting...while Gandalf
sits, staring intently at the 3 tunnel mouths in front of
him. He appears to be in some kind of trance.

~ The Fellowship of the the Ring, screenplay by Frances Walsh, Phillippa Boyens, Peter Jackson based on the novel by J.R. R. Tolkien

We saw The Hobbit last night, my family and I. Good stuff. It was a fun film, the audience in the cinema was enormously receptive, and my family had a wonderful time talking on the drive home, reliving especially good moments. It made me think I've done the right thing, staying with my husband even though I don't connect with him sexually any more.

I know that at some point in the past, we had wonderful sex. Hot, passionate, sweaty, loving. But it's been so long since anything remotely satisfying has occurred in my bedroom that I have trouble figuring out which way to go from here.

The lovemaking between us has been tainted, you see. By lies and by my clearer perception of my husband's character. I married young, and didn't have much basis of comparison. In the past two years, I've met a number of men who strike me as a far better fit. But it's a little late to regret my choice. Given the existence of my children, I can never wish I'd not married him.

But I have a decision to make. I can decide what to do with the rest of my life.

I wish the ring had never come to me...I
wish none of this had happened.

So do all who live to see such times, but
that is not for them to decide. All we
have to decide is what to do with the
time that is given to us. There is a note
of finality in Gandalf's voice.

There are other forces at work in this
world, Frodo, besides the will of evil.
Bilbo was meant to find the ring. In
which case, you also were meant to have
it...and that is an encouraging thought,
(sudden brightness)
Ah! That it's that way! Gandalf points
at the right hand tunnel...the Fellowship
scramble to their feet.

He's remembered!

No, but the air doesn't smell so foul
down there. If in doubt, Meriadoc,
always follow your nose!
milkynips milkynips
46-50, F
3 Responses Dec 15, 2012

I know a woman in a very similar position to you. She is about your age and has confided in me many times about her marriage status and what she'd like to be different, mainly sexually. Her and I came very close a number of times to giving in to how we obviously felt about each other but in the end we decided it's unfair to do things behind other peoples backs, namely our respective partners.
I still stand by our decision as the right one, but you do tend to spend days on end fantasising about what could have been. It's kind of frustrating, sometimes I wish I could turn my imagination off lol
Good luck

I suppose it's some consolation that I'm not alone in having these feelings. :) I think you made the right call in not cheating. I got my hall pass to avoid that, but you have to ask if it's really a legit thing.

Did you exercise the hall pass? If so what was the upshot? Was it worth doing and would you do it again? Also, how do you see your life panning out in terms of staying married, but possibly exploring other things simultaneously?
All the best,

Yes. It's too long to go into here. Overall, yes and yes, but I would have played it differently. Your guess is as good as mine on the future, but I am exploring now. The hall pass is open ended and has virtually no restrictions, just my own common sense.

I always think about the what-ifs. That's natural for us sexless marriage types. I once told my wife that if I had to do it all over again, marry her, I'd do it in a heartbeat, no hesitation. But the second time around I'd do it better. I was very surprised when she said that she would too. I remember looking at her when she said that, the tears welling up, and thinking how sad it was that we were so ****** up now. But also knowing that there would be no going back. The point of no return had been passed long ago. We are both victims of love had, but lost. But I also believe that a good future lies ahead for both of us, just a very different one than either of us imagined those many years ago.

I think we set ourselves up for failure with the unrealistic notion that one person will meet all our needs for the rest of our lives. People change, and divorce shouldn't be concerned such a tragedy. The lifelong love thing is a the exception, not the rule.

I wish you to select the right path forward pen sorceress Milky. Or better to say - as your choice is made already - to find your Precious GV responsive and connecting with you when you reach him.
P.S. You don't know how well you expressed also mine feelings (love, relationship, kids, ...)