I Have Herpes At 20

     A few days ago April 13, 2011 I turned 20 years old. I contracted Herpes in December of 2010 from a female I thought was perfect and honest. I have always considered myself a pretty genuinely nice guy, and apparently I was too trusting. A condom might have saved me these several month and the rest of my life of anguish and guilt. Shame and self hatred. I have yet to meet a female since my contraction of the virus and in some cases I have went the extra mile to prevent from meeting and have possibly passed up a chance at a real thing. But my fear of rejection because of a life sentence disease creates me to fill  pretty awkward and uncomfortable in social settings and I do prevent conversations with new people. I'm not scared of some chick rejecting me because of a diseas I caught but more so of fact getting around (we all know how fast gossip spreads and how the stories tend to twist into to something their not.
     The hardest part for me about having this virus is, possibly, the psychological factor. I was already a depressed person having tried to O.D while in fostercare but now that I have this to put up with. It seems my self-esteem has lowered to basically none. And the blame and hate and shame I put on myself sometimes feels too heavy for any one man to carry. The first thing that really hits home with this virus is the fact that this is something I will have for life. I am going to die with Herpes and the thing of that is, I am only just recently 20 years old. I'm still 'wet behind the ears' as most old timers would put it. I can read all the stories i want about passionate love making and experiences of watching you wife give birth to your child and raising a family I want, but I will never experiece that.
     My experience with Herpes, though i can say, hasn't been completely a lost. Believe it or not, there is some psychotic confused part of me that feels humbled to carry this virus. Reasons for so. Well, it's not HIV/AIDS and it can't kill me. Two; it has really opened my eyes. you hear that all the time and think what a lame cliche' that is to use. But if you don't have Herpes, really, honestly put yourself in our shoes. The excessive hand washing, The careful diet to help prevent outbreaks. THE OUTBREAKS. The way it would feel to try an approach  a new female with intents on getting a date. The awkward conversation on explaining to this new person (when the time comes!) that you have Herpes. The fear of not knowing what they will say or think. And OH GOD who can forget the GOD AWFUL itching before and during the outbreak. And the whole time you're thinking about this just think to youself this isn't my fault; someone I thought I could trust gave this too me. I COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS.
      Life definately becomes different when you have herpes and alot of comedians and comdies use Herpes as a punchline to alot of jokes. The overall view of Herpes from the general public is often they precieve it as someone who's luck just sucked. But aside from the fact that Herpes doesn't kill you, It should be taken just as serious as major diseases that can, such as HIV/AIDS and Cancer.
BlakHart BlakHart
18-21, M
13 Responses Apr 18, 2011

Your an awesome person . Trust and believe your not alone

I feel exactly how you feel I just cried reading yours. Its not fair I got it from.my ex bf and I just felt like I was stuck with him since who could ever fall in love with a female who can give you an std

I'm only 18 and I found out today that I have it, my own boyfriend won't look at me or touch me I honestly feel like a piece of crap and I know him and I breaking up will end up happening eventually and I as well will be too scared to try to open up to people and not want to find someone. I am also a depressed person so me finding this out today has deffentaly made my depression kick up.

hello to you all, my name is Wendy Brimm , i am from Vegas here in united state, i wish to tell you all, how i find a doctor that cure me from SKIN CANCER, which i had for three years with his natural herbal medicine i bought from him, it all went this way, i was online one very day when i saw a comment of a woman called MARIA KATRINA from united kingdom sharing her testimony about how this very doctor cured her of HIV, and he also cured AIDS too, but i never really believed but i just decided to give it a try and i contacted DOCTOR HAKIM, so he told me anything i needed to know and what to do to get cured and free from my cancer issue, so i went straight and make provisions for the herbs which he used to prepare medicine for me,i applied the medicine and just to see that the exact day which doctor harkim said i we be cured i was felling good and healthy at once, my strength was regained i went for check up in the hospital and my family doctor told me i am free from cancer, this was the greatest miracle that has happened to me in my life, and i promise doctor hakim that i we share his good work to the world, i gave his email to my friends,they were having similar disease problem and now they are cured from the diseases such as: Sexual Health and Sexually Transmitted Infection/Disease / HPV/HERPES
KIDNEY/ HEART DISEASE and many more i can say he make used of natural herbs for them. these are few i can say about this DOCTOR HAKIM, i went with my family to thank him for his great work and solution in my life, wish i never expected this was possible, I we like you to contact him today on his private
EMAIL ADDRESS; dr.hakimherbalspellworld@gmail.com. if you have any health issue i believe this doctor can help you out as well.

I just found out yesterday. I, like you got jipped. I caught it from a guy who didn't know he had it, he got it from a girl who knew she had it and didn't tell him. What's worse is that he only slept with her twice and got checked afterward. His doctor didn't check for Herpes! All of this lead to me having it for the rest of my life! God damn this sucks, I feel your pain. Did you have thoughts of suicide? I sure am.

I have herpes and told my ex partner that I had it before we had sex. After four years together we broke up and the issue of herpes didn't happen until after we broke up...he called me a ***** and I didn't know what to say to him, what could I say...I'm sorry, we didn't always use condoms because of lack of education and denial, I feel so horrible and think of him alot...getting back with him, but it was a volatile, smothering relationship. I'm now single...and dread having the conversation with a future partner, I have looked at the dating sites for herpes carriers and it all sounds really great, but I live in a very isolated area and it is not that easy........I hope I don't pass this virus on to any one again

Hi BlakHart,<br />
I completely understand your feelings about this. <br />
I was diagnosed myself 1 year ago and that combined with the death of a very close relative, has made me almost go a bit depressive. (Although it sounds very appealing and fun, imagining ways to cause agonizing pain to the guy that passed it on to me, isn't of great help either.)<br />
<br />
But you know what ?! I am not this stupid virus. I am not herpes. And you are not herpes either!<br />
Herpes is just something that you have to be careful, informed about and inform your partner as well. It doesn't define who you are or even your past.<br />
<br />
I met a nice guy, who became my boyfriend and only after 6 months we broke up I found that him had gave me herpes. And you know what's even more silly and stupid? The idiot thought it was cured!!! <br />
<br />
I agree with previous comments, the key is to keep people informed and demystify the concept - herpes doesn't happen to promiscuous people. 'if she has herpes, she is a skunk' No! In fact, if you're not aware, the great group of people in risk of contracting an STD are married women.<br />
<br />
Since day 1, since that I discovered I had the little bugger in me, I've always said that if my ex had told me about it before we slept together, I would probably be more careful about it but I wouldn't dump him. I was in *love* and I know I would be willing to accept the risk. But that was a decision to be made by ME. Not an unwanted 'heritage'.<br />
<br />
I'm currently under a prescribed treatment that keeps the outbreaks away.<br />
I didn't have a partner since I found out. When I do, I image it will not be an easy conversation. But you know what?! Like someone else said, that will help to understand if that person is with you for the right reasons.<br />
<br />
Yes, I do have herpes. But I am an informed woman who knows her risks and knows who she wants to have by her side. <br />
<br />
Take care & best wishes!

Well not just education......Research as well

I have herpes and I am an engineer who works for the largest herpes dating and support site SinglesHerpes. com. I have to tell you a secret, you can choose not to believe me. But the truth is that this site has more than 650,000 members and about 80% members are good looking in my estimation.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, STD rates soar worldwide and most people with STDs don't even know that they have them. The government should grant more money for STD education to lower the rates of STD transmission.

They really should teach about it more in school instead of just teaching about Aids. Herpes is a more common disease and people don't know anything about it. They don't realize how it affects you life and that you live with it forever.

Shock!!!! My friend who is living with Herpes told me a report from CNN said that the world's largest STD dating and support site HerpesPeople. com which has more than 1,100,000 members now. Why so many sexy people are infected by herpes? I think we need SEX-ED to prevent herpes transmission during sex.

Thank you for your support. That's where alot of people fall deeper into there depression, they just keep it all completely to themselves and just like you said there are more people than you'd ever guess with it. Sometimes it is great to fall into comfort with a complete stranger facing the same problems as you. I really wish people done more to get the information out that needs to be more widely viewed by all

I totally understand what you are going through. I contracted herpes when i was 22 and I had only slept with two people total and knew it had to come from one of them. One said he went and got tested and was clean, now the other one never did get tested and he was the one that I thought I was in Love with and wanted to marry. We are not together now but he is the one I got it from.<br />
<br />
Never think that you are alone with this problem, I am sure that there area other people on here that will not comment on your post because they are ashamed of it., they are both men and women. I can say that I was ashamed of it in the beginning but then I learned that I can teach people more about it instead of hiding it. I thought that I would never find anyone that would want to be with me because of having herpes but I have met the best guy I could ever ask for and he knows all about it. <br />
Do not be ashamed of it, and don't come out and say it right when you meet someone wait until you are comfortable with that person. You will realize that you will want to get to know a person a lot more before you sleep with them and when you are ready you will tell them about your disease and if they truly care about you and have feelings for you then they will understand. <br />
<br />
This is not the end of the world it is just another speed bump in the road of life. There are more people with herpes then you would ever think, but everyone is ashamed of it. they need to inform people about it like the do all the other diseases out there. Do your research and inform people instead of keeping it bottled up inside. <br />
<br />
good luck and keep your head up.