I Have Herpes At 20A few days ago April 13, 2011 I turned 20 years old. I contracted Herpes in December of 2010 from a female I thought was perfect and honest. I have always considered myself a pretty genuinely nice guy, and apparently I was too trusting. A condom might have saved me these several month and the rest of my life of anguish and guilt. Shame and self hatred. I have yet to meet a female since my contraction of the virus and in some cases I have went the extra mile to prevent from meeting and have possibly passed up a chance at a real thing. But my fear of rejection because of a life sentence disease creates me to fill pretty awkward and uncomfortable in social settings and I do prevent conversations with new people. I'm not scared of some chick rejecting me because of a diseas I caught but more so of fact getting around (we all know how fast gossip spreads and how the stories tend to twist into to something their not.
The hardest part for me about having this virus is, possibly, the psychological factor. I was already a depressed person having tried to O.D while in fostercare but now that I have this to put up with. It seems my self-esteem has lowered to basically none. And the blame and hate and shame I put on myself sometimes feels too heavy for any one man to carry. The first thing that really hits home with this virus is the fact that this is something I will have for life. I am going to die with Herpes and the thing of that is, I am only just recently 20 years old. I'm still 'wet behind the ears' as most old timers would put it. I can read all the stories i want about passionate love making and experiences of watching you wife give birth to your child and raising a family I want, but I will never experiece that.
My experience with Herpes, though i can say, hasn't been completely a lost. Believe it or not, there is some psychotic confused part of me that feels humbled to carry this virus. Reasons for so. Well, it's not HIV/AIDS and it can't kill me. Two; it has really opened my eyes. you hear that all the time and think what a lame cliche' that is to use. But if you don't have Herpes, really, honestly put yourself in our shoes. The excessive hand washing, The careful diet to help prevent outbreaks. THE OUTBREAKS. The way it would feel to try an approach a new female with intents on getting a date. The awkward conversation on explaining to this new person (when the time comes!) that you have Herpes. The fear of not knowing what they will say or think. And OH GOD who can forget the GOD AWFUL itching before and during the outbreak. And the whole time you're thinking about this just think to youself this isn't my fault; someone I thought I could trust gave this too me. I COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS.
Life definately becomes different when you have herpes and alot of comedians and comdies use Herpes as a punchline to alot of jokes. The overall view of Herpes from the general public is often they precieve it as someone who's luck just sucked. But aside from the fact that Herpes doesn't kill you, It should be taken just as serious as major diseases that can, such as HIV/AIDS and Cancer.
BlakHart 18-21, M 13 Responses 1 Apr 18, 2011