Damaged

I am a 18yr. old single mother who was diagnosed with herpes on Christmas2012 after having sex with a guy who i had just met on a dating site. I insisted he use a condom. It came off during sex but he didnt stop and i didnt know untill we finished. Then 2weeks later at christmas dinner i was having so much pain and pressure down there i couldnt deal with it i had to go to the hospital.
she did a pelvic exam and said "you have herpes" and she didnt have the best bed side manor either. I cried for 3days,i was in pain, i couldnt sit on the tolit seat,i could barely sit down at all for that matter. Emotionally, i have always had issues. I have also lost alot of family members including my father when i was 5 and struggled with my self essteam for as long as i can remember.I was sexually abused as a child. Then raped when i was 15. I was told that sex was all i was good for. in turn i felt worthless. then i met my sons father,fell so inlove then i got pego and he left.i FINALLY got over that and was okay for the 1st time in a long time. Now, I cant look at myself in the mirror i hate myself, my decisions and what i did to my life. i cant talk to people, i dont wanna be in public..i find myself counting people where ever i go to fit the 1in5 statistic. There are guys who wanna talk to me and all that. I just cant picture my self ever being okay with this let alone anyone else accepting me for it. I look at everything so differently. i know i have to move on from this but right now all i wanna do is cry.
ThisBrokenGirl ThisBrokenGirl
18-21
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Herpes is just a skin condition that just happens to be sexually transmitted thus making it have a bad stigma. Not the end of the world, I got it about 6 years ago and I just have to keep some pills at hand when the outbreaks come (for me has been only about twice a year). Include lots of broccoli in your diet, that will reduce the outbreaks. Im now happily married and Herpes has not destroyed my life. Sure, I remembered feeling miserable when I learned that I got it, and when an outbreak comes I sometimes feel down, but its JUST A SKIN DISEASE!! You have survived so much stuff, a stupid skin disease is surely not gonna break you. Im sure it takes a lot more.

You'll be fine honey

You are not broken, you are not worthless for having sex and seeking love like everyone does, and you are not damaged because you have herpes. You need to stop for a second and think of all of the amazing qualities you possess and make those even better and realize you have all of that to offer someone and you deserve to have someone love you for you and you will find it but first you have to feel and build your self esteem and realize you are worth it. MSG me if you need me. I'm here.

Thank you so much for your responce <3