Life Forever Changed, But Maybe For Some Good?

I went in for a routine STD in screening October of 2012 since I had just broke with my boyfriend. I wanted to have a clean slate even though I knew I was clear. The Doctor asked "You also want to do a blood test for herpes/hiv right?" I wanted to say no since I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I had neither. However, he was the doctor so I reluctantly said, "sure, why not?"
I got a call the day after my 25th birthday regarding the test results. The nurse told me everything from the swab was negative, (as expected). But then she paused and said what I never thought I'd hear, "However, your blood test came back positive for HSV2". I was at graduate school, just stepped out of class to take the call. My legs went numb, and I felt immediately cold and clammy. "Wait, what did you say? How? What do I do?" I could hear the empathy in her voice although Im sure she does this several times a day. I hung up the phone in complete shock. I had never had any issues down there. My boyfriend of two years had never had anything abnormal that I saw. How did this happen to me? I was always so careful when it came to sex, so much more than my girlfriends ever were and look where it got me. I was numb for two days. I cried every minute I could be alone. And I'll be damned, two days after the news, for the first time ever, I started to feel the prodrome. Tingling, itching, burning, but no lesions. I got a terrible sore throat, chills, and a fever just like the flu. For the next three months even till today, January 2013, I have felt the prodrome phase. I feel the tingling and slight itching, the feeling that a yeast infection maybe looming, but nothing ever gets much worse than that.

I went to the doctor back in November when the prodrome was much worse and he prescribed Acyclovir. I have taken it every day 2 to 4 times a day depending on my symptoms, but to no avail. Since the two days after I received the news, I have yet to go a day symptom free. Im blessed that I do not have typical outbreaks, but I wish I knew what the hell was going on.

Some days are hard, but they get easier. The up side is that I have to take way better care of my self. My herpes is now a measure of my health. If I go out and drink too much, or sleep too little, or eat like crap, I can feel everything get progressively worse, so I increase my dosage for a few days and get back on my health bandwagon. I don't cry as much and I don't blame anyone. Life could be so much worse, and some have it so much worse with cancer or AIDS. Who am I to throw a perpetual pity party for myself when I'm only plagued by a very common skin infection? It is easy to let the dark corners of one's mind take over, but that can't be allowed. You have to fight that off and replace it with an open and positive mind. Love your self first, and I promise you (from my personal experience) someone will love you the same.
internallocusofcontrol internallocusofcontrol
22-25
2 Responses Jan 10, 2013

Hi

Your story has made me feel better. I have recently got diagnosed with genital HSV 1 and I got it from a one weekend stand and someone with a cold sore. I feel pathetic but less so as time goes by.

I love your positive attitude! With your self esteem you will be okay and will find someone to love you for you! It's actually a blessing in that it will filter the jerks out. It made me see someone's true colors real fast! Keep your head up and MSG me if you need to talk!