I Will Never Know Who Gave It To Me.

Hello everyone!
I am 21 years old and about 3 months ago I was diagnosed with Herpes Simplex Virus Type II. I have only had 3 sexual partners throughout my lifetime. My first partner was the one I lost my virginity to about 7-8 years ago. The second partner was a man I was with for about 5 years. And finally, my third partner is the man I am currently with now. We have been together for almost year and a half.

Everyday I think about how it could have happened. Why couldn`t I have been more careful? I should have known better. I found it very difficult to sleep with just anyone so I made sure that if I did, that I knew what I was getting myself into. The doctor told me that I could have contracted the virus when I lost my virginity and it could have stayed dormant for years. He also said that I could have contracted it from my second partner since I was with him the longest.

I made sure that I received a pap smear every year just to be safe. I did not have any symptoms of the virus up until 3 months ago. The day I found out was the day my life came crashing down. I felt so dirty. I felt so used, like a ****, a tramp. I did not know where to begin.

I cried myself to sleep for a few days, but I knew that I could not let the virus take hold of me. I am not the virus. I only have it. There are days where I still feel like dirt, but I am sure there will be plenty of more in the long run. One thing I have learned from this experience is that now people have no choice but to love me for who I am. Whether they choose to or not, it is their decision. But one thing I will always know is that I am beautiful. I am strong. And I have herpes!
ForeverBeauty ForeverBeauty
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

It's really hard at first but you aren't the virus, you are all your good qualities a s no one deserves herpes. I'm sorry you have it, but their are positives. I'm m experience it filtered the bad from the good guys. If a guy just wants sex or nothing serious that guy won't stick around if you have the virus, but a good man that wants to get to know you and love you for you won't care. I dates two jerks that rejected me for it and found the man I will marry in a few months. I might have never met him if it wasn't for everything that has happened in my life. Keep your chin up and MSG me of you need someone to talk to!

Did any of you past partners get tested?Because its obvious that someone had been having unprotected sex with other people besides you. Majority of infected people are too either ashamed to admit it, in fear of being judged, not even caring for the health of their partners OR some just dont know because they think they can have all of the unprotected sex they want and think it won't ever happen to them. But I'm really sorry that you have herpes. Doesn't make you less of a being, thanks for sharing your story :)