I Should Have Known Better

I was naive and in love with someone I would do anything for. He cheated on me, I forgave him, then I developed an outbreak, something he never had. He chose another person over me and cheated on me with another person. I was torn apart by the relationship that in which all the problems were my fault. Now I look back with remorse. I feel destroyed although it has been almost a year since I found out. Intimacy is a scary thing I wish I could find the courage to reach out instead of building thick walls. It scares me even more that I have gone back to him once and might again because I am afraid of giving someone else herpes. They might be comfortable taking that risk, but myself and I am not. I hope one day I find someone and can settle down. Each day is a battle, and sometimes I still cry. One thing positive that it has done it has helped me to encourage the children I work with to take care of themselves if they are sexually active and remember if he loved you, he'd protect you in ALL ways.
ScarletStarlet ScarletStarlet
22-25, F
14 Responses Jul 25, 2007

I'm a mom with a perspective I'd like to share. Though it's no comfort having herpes, 25% or 1 in 4 is estimated to have it. The upside is that rather than concentrating on worry about transmission, know that there are millions of potential partners with herps, also looking for partners they cannot transmit to. Scores of others have discovered their fate but unfortunately spend too much time considering the worst rather than looking forward to a full life. I pray that my daughter understands that herpes does not define who she is as a person. It is a small part of the beautiful and loving person she is. I'm sure the same is true of you too. We live in a world that worships celebrity and being cool at all costs.
This is a wake up call that you must nurture and love yourself when others are too blind to see.

very well put hun

its not always tranferable if you dont have an outbreak

Oh my gosh, I feel like I just read my own story! Mine is so depressing :( And really long so I apologize. I was with my boyfriend for over a year. Last summer we were arguing a lot. He had already cheated on me once with his ex 9 months prior, for which I had long ago forgiven him. However when we started arguing a lot, he offered to fly me back home to see my mom to relax. I thought that was very sweet of him and took him up on his offer. However, once I got to my mom's, he called me, said he wanted to be single, and to leave him alone. It ruined my whole trip. When I got back, we patched things up, and I just chalked it up to being another stupid argument. We had sex that night and he told me that he had gone canoeing in the river with his friends (which is a very polluted river) and he said he must have gotten a spider bite while they were out because he had a round, oozy open crater at the base of his penis. I believed him, because I didn't know anything about herpes. And to be fair, he truly didn't know what it was. We had sex and it was that very evening that I discovered that he had slept with my roommate while I was gone. He apologized profusely, said it meant nothing. I told him I couldn't believe he would sleep with her of all people, because he and I used to joke about how many men she would bring over and have drunken (most likely unprotected) sex with, and that it was very dangerous. He begged me to forgive him, and I was feeling desperate, so I did. Three weeks later, he was on a trip with his little brother out of town and I noticed I had a very itchy spot on my upper inner thigh. When I tried to scratch it, it hurt so bad. So I got a mirror to look at it and it looked the same as his "spider bite." It took me a moment to put two and two together, but it finally dawned on me that he had given me herpes. I called him and told him and he felt so terrible...I've never seen him like that. But I was so angry I didn't speak to him for a couple days. I started to realize from here on out, no one would want to date me. I would never date anyone with an STD if I didn't have one. I started to think I need to stay with him since I want a family and children one day. I got on Valtrex for that outbreak, however when I began the Valtrex, I had severe side effects. It caused me great pain and I could hardly get out of bed. I felt like an old lady, so I promptly stopped taking it. After all the research I did, I thought I wouldn't have another out break for another year or so, so I figured it would be okay to stop taking it, since I was only planning on sleeping with my boyfriend. However when the next month came along, I got another outbreak on my period. Next month, the same thing. Then the month after that. I began to realize I was breaking out 2 weeks out of the month and I was clear 2 weeks a month. Half my life is an outbreak! And even when you're clear, 10% of that time the virus spends shedding, so I'm contagious 55% of the time. My doctor also told me that condoms do not necessarily protect against herpes, as if your outbreak is on your labia, that could still come into contact with his penis and he could contract herpes.

So this is my dilemma: I have herpes, but I can't take medicine for it. I have outbreaks every month so I am almost always contagious. If you are a man, condoms will not protect you from me. There are so many women in this world without herpes, why would a man choose one with herpes to bare his children? And even if a man without herpes wanted to be with me and I truly loved him, could I live with myself knowing I gave him or could possibly give him herpes at any moment? So that narrows the men down to only those with herpes already. And again, after extensive research, I read that there are multiple strains of genital herpes. Once your body becomes infected with more than one strain, it can begin to weaken your immune system and make you more susceptible to contracting other diseases. Am I willing to sacrifice my health for a man with herpes?

Therefore, if I don't stay with my boyfriend, I am destined to be alone. No family, no husband. Which sucks because my boyfriend treats me like ****. We only see each other once a week anymore and he is always getting mad at me. He feels like I've guilted him into staying with me. I probably have, to be completely honest. But after what he's done to me, I don't feel guilty for guilting him if that makes sense. I feel like he deserves the guilt. This is so unhealthy. I hate my life. Sometimes I wish I was brave enough to kill myself, because I often find myself hoping I'll just stop breathing in the middle of the night to put myself out of this hell hole I've fallen into. And I'm atheist, so I'm concerned about going to hell. I would just like to be free from this pain.

There are lots of options... some of them legitimate, and some not so much. I found this which really helped end my non-stop outbreaks. It's something called Viradux-AU. My advice, try lot's of different approaches until you find one that works 8-) cheers!

Herpes doesn't transmit till you have an outbreak.
Even you are having an outbreak, it wont transmit till the cold sore broke.
You can still live as a normal person, just need to tell the person you care before you 2 have intimacy.

I'm sorry I just need to make sure I correct this so someone doesn't take it seriously and unknowingly spread herpes. You absolutely can transmit herpes when you are not having an outbreak. The virus goes through a cycle and for part of that cycle it's "shedding" which causes you to be contagious, but not have an outbreak.

I had herpes for almost a year now and during that time also I have tried several things. I did a search and I found the web site of HSV-Zero Product. Can control the outbreak, the important thing is to give a sense of relief from the pain itself. It's really a treat.

first off drop that dog of a guy in fact kick him in the nuts for giving it to you. he gave it to you you know that as well as i do. screw your fear Intimacy is a gift that should never be feared. you will find a great guy and as long as you are careful he will not catch it. hell hook up with me i will prove that there re great guys out there who do not cheat care and are not afarid of herpes

Don't listen to these wingnuts, herpes simplex is a virus which is permanent. There is no "mystery cure" so don't get your hopes up. All you can do is plan ahead and make your future partner aware of your condition. I know it sucks, but you'll get through it.

Jesus Christ @ these people giving you false hope.

you can cure it with a systematic fungicide. people say it isn't curable and it is a virus but the medical field lies just like every business in america.

I'm also looking for a cure. What is systematic fungicide? thanks.

I hope you get run over by a freight train for spewing your lies to this young girl. Your kharma couldn't be any more f'ed.

Please don't espouse this sort of BS. If you don't know what you are talking about, it's usually best to keep quiet. Further, offering medical advice to people on forums is in general just poor form. For the record, a fungicide is a drug that targets fungi. I study viruses and I'm frankly appalled that you have the gall to suggest to someone that herpes is not actually a virus. I would really like to see your references for these claims. I can't imagine any reputable scientific journal would publish such nonsense.

Herpes is no fun, never goes away, you have to live with it...Just think that this is now part of you for better or worse, you can't change it. I hope you find someone else you can trust.

I got it from a bf too, I am almost sure. I broke it off the minute I realised. You see, he told me he was negative. I just don't believe it, as I know my ex didn't have it.<br />
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Oh, and on top of it all, he told me he was negative for H, but had Chlamydia! Thank you, A-hole!<br />
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Anyway, I know how you feel. But trust me, if the guy truly cares for you and loves you for who YOU are, he is not going to care whether or not you have H. I know, I told my current boyfriend, and he didn't care. The only thing that made him uncomfortable was that as I was telling him, I was also crying. lol

If you want to go back to him that is your choice...but do use a condom...Herpes wont kill you, but though you think your life ruined now, there are things far worse than herpes! Keep yourself protected dear

Whts worse then herpes? I just found out 2day tht i have it im so mad rite now

Aids ***** thats worse

heyy,, i think i culd really help you out...i have a story myself and hun,, please try to pull urself together,, your body does grow an immune system for herpes..ii am afraid i have HIV and am still getting tested...i have been depressed for a long time and i used it against myself after my girlfriend broke up with me to go sleep with somebody i had met over the internet..what i did wasnt even for sex...it was for the comfort of holding somebody close, and being able to wake up and walk away...worse decision i culd have ever made...i am scared for my life and feel the same as you..my ex- girlfriend culd care less about how i am doing, and personally i feel she is laughing at me...i dont know if ill ever be able 2 trust any1 again for the rest of my life...but you still have to try.<br />
some people are very comfortable with some1 who has a std...some men understand the struggles and know the self esteem problems that come with it...you need to be open with those who you feel wont judge you for who you are...think long and hard about who and remember to make urself happy in life...dont try to worry too much about it you know you have it and that you have to move on...remember not all people are bad

I feel EXACTLY the same way you do. It has almost been a year for me, too. I still have frequent outbreaks if I stop taking the Acyclovir to give my kidneys a break.<br />
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I feel that I will NEVER have sex again. Even though I am 50 and plus-size, guys still come on to me and I always have to find excuses why I can't even go out casually with them.<br />
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I pray for a cure, but reality is that why would the drug companies seek a cure when they make so much money with the anti virals?<br />
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God, I miss sex, and as a result I have substituted eating for sex and have gained 50 pounds in this one year. I pray for help.<br />
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So I get what you are feeling!!!