Living In My Own Circus

Today I was diagnosed with HS. When I got home I started researching it and I can't believe this is real. I am terrified someone will see the scars under my arms or on my inner thighs. I have had he since 14 and am now 21. I hate looking in the mirror at myself, wondering how anyone could look at me and not my scars or boils. My boyfriend is supportive and tells me I am beautiful but I am truly disgusted with myself. What will this progress to in 20 more years? Am I just going to rot from the outside in? I hate living this nightmare. Sometimes I pity myself, like why me? Why did I get this disgusting disease, what did I do to deserve this? Reading everyone's posts on here helped me cope and knowing I'm not the only one helps. I know how you all feel and how hard it is but we ARE beautiful no matter what. I have good days and bad days, but how do I tell someone I can't walk because I have a giant boil on my inner thigh and if it rubs ill scream in pain? I'm not dirty. I hate the word disease. I'm not some kind of leper. Thank you all from sharing stories and supporting. We can get through this together.
pianist125 pianist125
18-21, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

i have a husband that says the same thing and it is hard to believe that they really feel that way....<br />
I just started a regimen of 300 mg clindamycin 2x a day and 300mg rifampin 1x a day. Its only been a few weeks but i have noticed a pretty big improvement. the regimen is supposed to control the outbreaks all together. Looking forward to seeing the results with more time