The Girl With Hirsutism.How do you start something so personal? This feels like it should be entered in a very secure journal, under lock and key. But no. I'm writing this in cyber ink for the whole world to see! Well, how does that old saying go? Go big or go home. And oh boy do I feel like I'm going big. So here goes nothing....
I am the girl with hirsutism. At this present moment in time I do not want to put a name or face to the words. Maybe one day when I have the courage to. But right now, this is all I can manage. For those of you that have stumbled upon this page and are wondering what the fluff hirsutism is, it's excessive body hair, especially in females due to a hormone imbalance. This may not seem like such a great cause for concern for non sufferers, but for females with hirsutism? It's a cause for great mental stress. Especially in this present day where little body hair is air brushed on magazines and women have the freedom of less clothing. Ah yes, the girls that can go on the beach while rocking a bikini or even show off there midriff. How I envy them.
So now to start my story, which hopefully as its written will help other hirsutes. I am 19 years old and I've been living with hirsutism since I started puberty at 10. I'd been shaving my legs since 9, but I believe I was nearly 11 when I first took notice that my body hair was abnormal. I sat next to a boy in primary school who constantly pointed out the hair on my upper lip. I didn't take much notice of it as I'd seen other females with light upper lip hair. I believed my hair was just more noticeable because my hair's so dark and my skin was so white (was? I'm still daz white now!). Then one day in the summer my neighbour came around to play dress up. As young girls are we had no hangups about getting changed in front of one another. So as I pulled off my t-shirt my friend caught sight of my belly. In disgust she squealed 'eeeew! You have a hairy belly!!'. After 'laughing' it off I popped to the loo and took a proper look at myself in the mirror. In that mirror came the first feelings of disgust and humiliation, so I picked up the razor and shaved my midriff and upper lip. Since then it's all been down hill.
I've never told a single soul about my hirsutism. A SINGLE SOUL. Although of course people have noticed. When I was younger I didn't realise you could notice the dots left behind after shaving. It's not a shaving rash its just a black dot from where the root is. Yet when I was wax it's still there? Odd. Anyway I showed off my midriff a little when I was younger before I knew, when I was asked by my sister and grandma if I shaved my belly. It's hard to describe the embarrassment you get when you are asked that question. It goes right to the pit of your stomach. Or sometimes my friends point out the TINIEST blonde hairs on their midriff and ask me if I have any. I just laugh it away and never leave a reply.
Hirsutism hasn't just left me with a dark corse snail trail. Oh no. There's more! I have dark hair on my arms which reach mid bicep, upper lip, chin, cheeks, cheek bones, back, feet and in between my cleavage. The more dark thicker hair is from the hips down. The worst effected area is my inner thighs, behind my legs and my behind. I feel absolutely horrible about myself. I feel like a man! Or better yet, big foot. I want to have to not wake up, pluck my chin and shave my upper lip and cleavage. I want to be able to wear shorts or show my midriff. I don't want to cry over my body any more. I want to feel FEMININE again! So this is where it starts.
I'm going to stop hiding from it. Recently I've been researching about hirsutism and reading other sufferers stories. Every time I've read them they've made me cry in sadness and happiness. Sadness because I know EXACTLY how horrible they feel and happiness because I've realised I'm not the only one. I don't have to join the circus and become the bearded lady like I've always mused! I am going to nip this in the bud. I've been with my bf for 4 years now. How could I hide such a thing like this? From hardly ever letting him touch my bare skin in the affected areas unless I've gotten rid of the hair. Unfortunately waxing is too much for my whole body and shaving only lasts a day, 2 max. And I cant shave for nearly 3 weeks otherwise I get a rash. He must really love me! By the end of my journey I'd like him to be be able to freely touch my skin without me hiding. Like a normal couple! Step 1 in my journey is completed. Accept the fact I have it and share. It's odd how telling anonymous people is easier. I think I might finally tell one person by showing them this website too! That really is a scary thought for me. Now step 2? I am finally going to get over my embarrassment and go to the doctors to get help. I will keep posted once I have and share my next steps. I'm also going to start testing out what works for me and hopefully it will give other sufferers help. We just need to keep in mind that we aren't alone and....it's not our fault. We aren't disgusting, it's just our bodies have a hormone imbalance. That Is going to be my new mantra! If anyone else has decided to take action too keep me posted! :).
-The girl with hirsutism.