Is It My Fault?

I got the shots. and honestly I didn't know what HPV really was. I am a freshman in college now but about 2 months before I left for school I went to the OBGYN got a standard papsmear. they called back and said my test came back abnormal. so I needed to come back for a follow up. I told my mom she said "don't worry I've had the same thing happen and it ended up being nothing". now my boyfriend at the time is a complete loser. he works at Walmart. I had already planned to break up with him when I went off to school. he would never use condoms. he had never used one before either. I wasn't nervous going to the doctor at all. I go back to a room and my doctor comes in and she tells me about how I they are going to take samples from my cervix and she's just talking then she says "you tested positive for HPV" then she kept talking, I stopped her and said "wait I have what?" and she explained it. I just busted out crying I couldn't control
myself and honestly I'm about to cry right now writing this. I feel like this is effected my whole life and I'm only 18. My mom was so disappointed in me when i told her. my boyfriend never ask he was sorry. he just was
like "well now you won't cheat on me"
seriously ? I never cheated on him anyways. I broke up with him. but now when I try to get into a relationship all I can think about is how I don't want to hurt the other person. And talking to my friends doesn't help because they don't know what to say. honestly I feel like I'm just trapped and handicapped by this. I feel
like its my fault. I didn't think about STDs. I only
thought about pregnancy. now i just want to be healthy again.
fireawayy fireawayy
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 15, 2013

It's it interesting how when we think of sex pregnancy is on the front burner and contracting an STI is on the back burner. This is what happened to me. I still get depressed over it. But it is becoming so common now, like scary common. f you look at the stats it will blow your mind. I have taking a human sexuality class and my professor said like by like 5 more years (or something) more than half of our generation will have this... HALF of the people have never heard of HPV when i tell them about it. Lack of education is causing this to happen. just remember you aren't the only one. I am in the same boat. Having excellent health is such a privilege and to have it taken away like this ****** me off. Keep your chin up girlie!

What type did your doctor say you had? My best friend had the hpv that causes cervical cancer. She went to her checkups, and now she doesn't have it anymore.

I understand where you're coming from. I was only concerned with pregnancy, and I had no clue this was as widespread as it is. You aren't alone, and if you keep an eye on it all will be okay.

same one your friend has. I had no idea about it. I wish I could tell people to be safe because people need to know. but I don't want to because I don't want them to know

I wish I could let the world know too! I'm just so scared of the judgement that could possibly be passed on me. Truthfully, we are all good people. Unfortunately, bad things happen to us. The one thing I can tell you is to try to make the best of it. I'm so scared to get involved with anyone because of the stigma that comes with those three little letters... I've been dating someone for 4 months now, and nothing's happened because he's a virgin. My best advice is to really focus on getting to know something that you're interested in, and then tell them. If they love you, they will be willing to make it work. I was engaged before this, and I was petrified to tell him... But he stayed and we made the best of it (even though it ended up not working out due to other reasons). He did love me enough to work around it, and I have the type that could possibly cause warts...which makes me feel gross thinking about (and I haven't had any sign of them in the year I've known about having it).

THE CDC has a lot of information on HPV, here was an article I found from the Guttmacher Report of prevalence. I am sorry that this happened.

HPV and Cervical Cancer
In the United States...

Genital HPV is an extremely common viral infection. (Of the more than 100 known HPV strains, 30 are sexually transmissible and are considered genital HPV.) Approximately 5.5 million new genital HPV transmissions occur in this country every year, representing about one-third of all new STD infections, and an estimated 20 million men and women are thought to have genital HPV at any given time. According to a 1997 American Journal of Medicine article, nearly three in four Americans between the ages of 15 and 49 have been infected with genital HPV at some point in their life.

The Guttmacher Report on Public Policy
August 2003, Volume 6, Number 3