The Biggest Mistake Of My LifeBlog World
where to begin,
I struggle with my Decisions I've made over the PAST 4 years. I am 23 years old and I was recently diagnosed with HSV 1 and 2. My story is complicated and I believe that there has to be others like me and maybe even my story can touch someones heart, yet maybe one of you can PICK me up off the Ground. I've been ashamed and it doesnt help to have a PARTNER who Blames you and Holds HERPES over your Head EVERYDAY. If someone could please listen to my story???
I was a teen MOM, had my son at age 16, going on 17. I had only slept with 2 men. I graduated early and worked to provide for me and my son, My sons father has been in and out of the Jail system. He recently left us for 3 years and before he went in, OUR relationship was so BAD and On and off again that You could Say It was Doomed since day 1. WHY i held on, I dont know. Yes i loved him, but the sh*t we went thru was just too much, I was the type to run from my problems and kick him out because he would make me mad. Childish relationship, I have learned that being a teen mom and not being emotionally stable has been a downer in my life for sure.
Well when he went to jail for the 3 years, I had met a guy, I had heard so many great things and especially that he was different and didnt just sleep with everybody. Mind You, I was age 20, single parent, lonely, confused and trying to decide if I was going to suport my sons father in jail or go my seperate way.?? I chose to have a relationship with this man, and it seemed great. We dated and were on and off again for about the 2-3 years my sons father was in jail. I made the BIGGEST MISTAKE by NOT using protection.
I never had a symptom, (I had gotten tested but I guess at the clinic when you say PAP- they test for everything except herpes.
My sons father got out last year and we decided to make things work. Two weeks after he came home, He started to get red dots on his penis (he said they didnt itch, or burn and no clear liquid). He went to the emergency room and they said it didnt look like herpes. I called my DR and asked was herpes part of my PAP test and she said NO, Its a SEPARATE TEST you have to ask for.
I went in right away and got tested for EVERYTHING, just because i was thinking in the back of my head, I knew i had slept with 1 person, whom i had loved. Came back I HAD HSV 1 and 2. WHich means the guy i slept with while my BD was in jail was the 1 to pass this to me.
I Feared telling my BD that i had cheated and slept with someone else, But i did tell him I had HERPES and I had No clue, He was devestated and we were informed some ppl have it and show no symptoms for a while (not all cases). I have Gotten into so MANY domestics with my BD over this. I made a BIG MISTAKE and when i told the guy, he acted stupid and said he didnt know he had it. But his reaction was not like mine or my BDs.
I was NEVER a Hoe/****, because i FEARED STDS and I cared about my reputation, I chose to seek a realationship with a man I thought was different, well yeah he was Different and he INFECTED ME with this VIRUS.
I love my sons father and i wish it could work, I have been disrespected and accused of being out and sleeping around, My son is young but he has seen the HELL that this has caused, I know i was wrong, I should have never fell for someone else. Im BLAMING MYSELF everyday and I just want happiness. I want to know that I can walk with my head high and stop being torn down for passing this to my sons father. I had no clue, i went for my annual and I had no symptoms my DR would say everything looks fine. WHY ME? is what i ask?? Im Depressed and I dont want to open u to ppl around me, Ive told 3 ppl and theyve been supportive but I need outside support, PPL who are going thru what i am going thru. Please HELP.