Undiagnosed Impulsive Psychologist

I am a final year undergraduate in psychology and the more literature I read about impulse control issues the more I realise that I actually have problems with impulse control and it's kind of scaring me now. As a child my mom took me to see have behaviourist psychologist who just passed me off as a naughty child. I was never happy as a child, I was agressive towards my younger brother and counsins and if I didn't get things my way I would hit myself around the head with something or kick the doors (I find that I still do these things today). As a child I also used to develop obsessions with things, for example eat the same food everyday and also take obsessions with TV shows and pop bands to the very extreme (i.e. it was all I'd watch or all I'd listen to for weeks on end), this aspect of behaviour has kind of stayed with me too but possibly calmed down a little bit with age. For the majority of my life I've also been an attention seeker and did things purely to get attention from others. As I've got older more behaviours that are considered as impulsive have been added the the list, the main one being problematic internet use, I find that I just sit on the internet for hours on end even if I do have better things to do and then feel disappointed in myself which sometimes results in me hitting myself because I'm angry or frustrated, I also get restless and frustrated if I don't have access to the internet. I also suffer with bouts of insomnia and have done pretty much since birth. I think with my heart and make decisions based on my feelings instead of rational decisions, which often causes problems where relationships are concerned amogst other things too. I often impulse buy too and I get uncontrollable urges to buy new technological gadgets but I try to hold off the urges which eventually give in. 

For years I have thought of myself as being depressed and "addicted " to the internet, but upon reviewing my own behaviour I actually feel that I could have problems with impulse control and these problems do effect my day-to-day life in many ways. Therefore, I am seeking support from this group as I feel it's a place where I can talk about such issues. 
whirly1989 whirly1989
22-25, F
4 Responses May 4, 2011

Wow. Sounds just like me, except my parents chose to medicate me with catastrophic consequences

Perhaps it is not internet addiction per se, but rather the internet is a vehicle for something else. The desire to connect to a thing, or mutual connection. I am impulsive to. This kind of connection has the virtue of not allowing behavior to compromise a relationship, in a manner of speaking. We see each other through our thoughts at the time. In real life, the thoughts of others have a tendency to be a little more concealed by self-consciousness and reinforced social values, the norm of which, are be misleading for the sake of perceived and uncompromising optimism. That, no matter who is there, it is lonely. It can be volatile to mix behavioral elements that are reactive to each other. Human emotions are so numerous that isolating a stable compound, element or solution, especially when im such a reactive agent, =] seems more often to bring a suspension of ideas, instead of blend of colloidal human strengths. Also our moods at the time can send a signal like, this is who i am, but i may not be this later, depending on how i feel. It is confusing to me. I do it though as my moods shift, and im rather unstable. So, I understand when others do not understand me. I am also very agoraphobic. so, the internet offers me a means of communication and clarity i may not have while in the presence of others. I can be extreme or just spurious, and get feedback to how others are receiving the signals I send. This sending out is my addiction. i find refinement through it. well, through others, who refute or acknowledge or oppose what i am trying to convey. through it, i have the unique opportunity to see myself in a new way, and i feel more complete. i do not know why exactly. i feel like i have learned so much. there is so much to know. life is so short. I wish i noticed how finite life is for us and those we care for or just possibly those who we do not know. i dont know though in all honesty if my life would have been better any other way if i went to school or had a job for instance, though i do have to say damn im broke its so hard for me to find work or something which defines me and through it i can really offer something. when i see some others, they have good lives or great wealth but they have no insight into anything and they do not know or think anything is better than what they have presently. it could all be gone in an instant. For me i need the thoughts of others without too much judgement and too much blame and so do others, sometimes. i am just another human trying to find what i have to offer the world before i pass this mortal plane. I always want to know whats out there. im so glad that others exist. with them i wouldn't know half the things i feel so much adoration for, or entertain. but, i also know in life, if we were to know each other, they would probably be the person across the street i never talk to. Nor, would they talk to me as im a jittery mess. oh well....

I've recently been diagnosed with OCD ...

remeron or mirtazapine?

It's only really a disorder and a problem if it actually effects your daily life or mentality, for example some people use social networking websites everyday for hours on end and still function ok and are still happy. It's when your impulsivity makes you want to self-harm and somewhat depresses you that it becomes an issue. Personally this is the issue for me. At the moment I'm looking at self-help CBT to sort my problems out, so hopefully I'll be happy soon. The media paint a picture of problematic internet use in which all aspects of the internet are bad for everyone, especially if they spend a lot of time on the internet (even if people are using it for work), the picture is a lot more complex than this, e.g. people who suffer with impulse control disorder or depression are more likely to develop problematic internet use and then you have to consider which aspect of the internet the individual is "addicted" to and why so. I'm a cyberpsychologist and I've read a lot of papers on this, there's still a long way to go before therapeutic treatment can be developed, but my point is that with this topic there's a lot to consider.

sorry to hear all of that. Everybody has too many problems. That fact is reflected in all this new "terminology" which supposedly label and categorize all of us with these various "disorders." <br />
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But i think all that crap is retarded. It spreads a victim mentality, encourages drug use to correct these ficticious disorders, ect.