Planning An Affair While Heartbroken

I am married and have two wonderful boys preschool age. My husband always had intimacy issues but I loved him and thought, i know right, he loved me and it was just a phase of having desires outside of norm to me anyway. I thought we were going to get married, have kids, fight over money and grow old together. Recently I learned that he always wanted to have kids but didn't want to be married under the norm umbrealla. So I realized my choices were either divorce, have ********** with him supposebly his first choice or have an open marriage. so I chose the last option and he is ok with that. great right? well not if this is not what I wanted for my life but thats ok since I have children and I love them more and I realize there is no lying to kids as they pick up on things quickly so I have to simply find someone to take the pain and hurt away and I know this is my only options at this point.I have always been traditional and can't believe this is my life but then again who does right? Well, my question is how to best prepare myself for this journey? I have been at home with the kids and just starting to look for work so in all aspect of my married life seven years I have been a wife and a mother. I want to move on and don't want my husband to think that I am only doing this for kids or to save our marriage. I want to be strong enough on my own to let go and become part of the new norm. Please feel free to give all your opinons. Counselling and therapy is not an option. We have had problems sinc e the day we got back from our honeymoon involving my husband's female coworker so this is not anything new. I don't really want a divorce because I always dreamt of having a normal traditional happy with a fairy tale ending. Thanks in advace.
newme76 newme76
31-35, F
Jul 30, 2010