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I Don't Fight My Insomnia Anymore!!!

When I was still going to high school, I had regular sleeping habits.  I'm sure because I woke up early and went to bed early.  After I got married a few years after graduation, I noticed my sleeping habits started to change.  I felt more comfortable staying up late.  There is more than one reason I think that I have insomnia.  The strongest reason I think is because of the night many years ago that someone broke into my home.  I never knew anyone was even in my house.  That totally creeped me out.  My front door was wide open, both the screen door and the main door.  Also the screen on the window next to the front door was all torn.  So the person came in through the window and left through the front door. 

When I realized someone had broken in, my first thought was that someone stole my baby.  I had passed my childrens bedroom which was connected to our bedroom.  I knew that my daughter was in her  bed because I saw her in her bed.  My son was in a crib and well you know the mattress is much lower so I didn't notice if he was in there, I just assumed.  In the few seconds it took for me to walk back and see if my son was in his bed was like in slow motion.  Just as I'm fixing to look in the baby bed, I just knew in my heart that he was gone,but there he was fast asleep.  I did'nt even care if I had been robbed, (which I was'nt) all I cared about was that my children had not been taken.  Another reason I felt why I could have insomnia was my husband USED to be an alcoholic.  I could'nt go to sleep because he might go to sleep with a lit cigarette, and burn our house down.  So I always had to wait until he passed out.  He has quit drinking and smoking, "THANK GOD!!!"  We have both quit our bad habits (but thats another story).  Anyway, years later I had a nervous breakdown (PTSD,another story),  but not until 2004.  I went from sleeping all the time, so I did'nt have to feel my emotional pain, to now, which is that I can't sleep until at least 4 am. 

I don't even fight it anymore!!!  For one thing I don't work, so I don't have to get up early.  I sleep into the morning.  As long as I get from 4 to 6 hours of straight sleep (you know no interruptions) I'm good.  I can always take a nap later, if  I feel like it.  Well for me it's OK.  I don't have to worry about being robbed at night because I'm up most of the night.  If someone were to try to rob us, we  could protect ourselves or call 911.  By the way, I mentioned PTSD (Post Tramatic Stress Disorder), I'm over the worst of that.  I'm not sure why I have insomnia.  Sometimes I think I am just a night person.  For some reason I just feel safer going to bed in the early morning hours and into the next day.  Like I said earlier, I don't fight it anymore, so everythings cool.  I sleep when I get sleepy, that's about it!!!

TexasLily TexasLily 51-55, F 2 Responses Jul 14, 2008

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Yes,I hope we never have to use it because I would feel really bad to have to cut someone but oh well if they try to rob us too bad.There's this little old lady that lives behind us,she's over 90 years old and she has a shotgun and knows how to use it,she's a sweet but tough little old lady,lol !!

wow i feel that way. here theres alot of druggies so i have my knives prepared for the worse.