InsomniaI want to sleep, yet don't want to sleep.
I am exhausted. I have not sleep for more than 5 hours straight since.. I can't even remember. Every day I wonder if this may be the night I get sleep. I have been awake for 3 days before and I just hate it. I am so tired throughout the day, yet when it comes to night, I am wide awake. When the house is silent, when everyone is asleep, I feel more alive than I ever have before. I feel more like an owl than an actual human. I just wish I could have a regular sleep pattern.
But then I don't want to sleep. When I actually start to feel dozy and settle into a slumber, I have dreams. However, they aren't just dreams. They are the most terrifying, disgusting and horror-like nightmares I've ever experienced. Every night I will have one about a masked man choking me or drowning me, and they are like heaven compared to the others.
I have had dreams I have killed people. I have seen myself cut people open and pull their insides out while they are still alive. I have seen myself slowly cut off people's fingers, hands and legs. It makes me want to vomit even thinking back to these dreams. They are just disgusting.
While I want to get to sleep so badly, I also want to stay awake. I hate to have these dreams. I want them to stop. If anyone has any advice at all to make them go away I would love you forever.