Dreading Bedtime

I hate bedtime. It is so stressful looking at the clock and know that it's getting later and later and if I don't go to sleep soon it's going to be daylight. Today is Monday (well actually it's Tuesday morning at 4:15) and I am already stressing out about my doctor's appointment on Friday afternoon. I have to start going to bed earlier and waking up earlier to adjust for the appointment. I will have to wake up at 10 am on Friday and that is so hard for me! Normally I can't sleep at all; I have Bipolar Disorder and a persistent manic episode allows only 3 hrs of sleep at all. But I am now on a cocktail of drugs to sleep: Trazadone to help me fall asleep and Seroquel to help me stay asleep. Both of these drugs are heavy sleeping meds - my doctor said she's NEVER had to put anyone on them both at once - but one alone won't work. And even with these knockout drugs I still lie awake for about an hour and a half every night (morning) before I fall asleep. I NEVER feel sleepy, I just force myself to sleep to ward off a major manic attack. Most people enjoy laying down and relaxing in bed, drifting off to sleep, but for me going to sleep is like a chore. And waking up sucks, too.
SWATgirl SWATgirl
26-30, F
1 Response Jun 19, 2007

I totally get what you're saying- going to bed is a chore for me too!! I start stressing out about it about three hours before bedtime. I would love just to fall asleep, but knowing that you're gonna spend hours clock watching, and waiting for your body to start physically hurting, really gets to me!