Sleepless... Again!

I usually call myself a vampire and enjoy it. I have never been good at sleeping, not even when i was a little girl.  Not only because I love night but also because I'm very restless.  But it's not fun to be wide awake at midnight when I have been feeling very tired.   I can't just lie in bed.  I used to have many things to do when I had insomnia in the past... but today I just feel trapped.   I know that it's stupid, but I wish I could be alone. Instead, I'm  here, lonely and confused. Wondering if I'm making the right decisions.  I guess that's why I can't sleep.  I have found a very effective way to fight insomnia: be at peace with myself; go to bed without nothing else to say, without anger, without anything hurting me.  In general, that works for me.  Today I'm upset and I can't just let the feeling go away. I wish I had someone to talk to now... but there aren't so many vampires in my side of the world.  I write in order to relax, to calm down, to enjoy. 

It's a calm night. What I love most about night is the stillness... Everything is so quiet.  Even the trees seem to be sleeping except when the wind wakes them. The dog is sleeping.  The city barely moves.  The darkness is magical. I'm not afraid of it, I'm in awe...  I love seeing shadows. I love imagining things. I love the solitude. I could be awake all night long just to feel this stillness, this magic, this silence... just to hear  the music  that almost everyone ignores.   If I weren't so cold... Nights are always cold in winter. I long for Spring.  Could my ideas blossom then?

I wish I could sleep now.  Counting sheep doesn't work for me.  I could use the TV, but I can't turn it on now.  Well,  I guess it's time for "nightdreaming" even though I'm awake... Maybe I can just lie down and listen to music until the answer comes to my mind... then I'll find peace again and I'll finally be able to sleep...

In the meantime... hello to all those "vampires" like me, who love night and have trouble sleeping!!  

Kvetina Kvetina
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 10, 2010

if your really haveing trouble sleeping you should look up your family history because i have the same problem as you do, i found out that everybody on my fathers side of the family were like vampires they would be up till 3-5 am and they would sleep in till 3-5 pm......... last night i went to bed at 4 am and i woke up today at 6 pm. and almost for a week now iv never seen sunlight because here it gets dark at about 5 and the morning shines at about 5:30... so maybe not vampires but nockturnal? (however you spell it)