The Thoughts Never Go Away...

About 3 months ago my biological father started becomming really sick. He had surgery in the month of november for chrones disease. About a month after that the hospital let him go home without checking his liver or kidneys. Less than a day later he had a stroke and became hospitalized again for the 5th time in the year 2009. The hospital he went to this time told my step mom that the hospital he came from couldn't have checked his liver or kidneys or they would have caught what was comming. My dad's who right side of his body was parallized, and had i'd known the last time i called him would have been the last time i heard his voice i would have called him everyday. His digestive system quit working and after about a month the doctors knew it would never work again, yet i still had faith. I didn't get much support from anyone seeing as though his family and i don't talk and his wife and i have issues, so i felt very alone. I went to see him everyweeked although he lived two hours away and it was hard on gas! it's became very serious about the first week of january i called off work a lot and went and stayed with him in the hospital, then one day i found he was home... but the bad part was that he wanted to die at home, so he wasn't better at all. I never cried while i was there, i had to be strong for him and his wife. The week of the 26th of January i stayed at his house on the couch right beside him in his hospital bed. Lots of family i haven't seen in over 10 years came to say goodbye, along with pastors, and hospice. It was kinda funny because when we were all standing around him i was holding his hand trying not to cry and he looked up at me then he layed his head down as if he were dead. My dad always knew how to make people laugh even at the hardest of times, But January 26th at 12 p.m. my dad took his last breath and as i watched and waited for the next breath it hit me hard... i didn't know what to do i tried talking to someone, anyone but it seemed like nobody understood because my dad and I have a very difficult relationship. Well Ever since that day it seems as though it's a breeze for me to sleep when everyone's awake because i don't want to do anything but when night comes i can't sleep no matter how much i meditate, pray or how much medicine i take. It's getting to be a very big problem in my relationships because i'm not the happy person i usually am...

-Jessica-

jessica08325 jessica08325
18-21, F
Mar 5, 2010