Relationship Intrusive Thoughts

Hey everyone, I wanted to share my story, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I have always been head over heals almost sickening in love with him I mean obsessed. Never wanted anyone else could barely even look at another guy. I started working at this place where both guys and girls worked. Before Is tarted dating my boyfriend our work had a guy boss and he was super cool. When I started dating my boyfriend me and my boss became friends he always let us do whatever we wanted at work and he was everyone's favorite. I would always get to eat out for lunch and take as long of a break as I wanted. My boyfriend dated his bestfriends sister quite some time ago and she was always around the group after they broke up. I was so insanely jealous that she was around and worried that I was glad I had a guy friend to hopefully make my boyfriend jealous with, I wanted him to be protective and to give me more attention. I never thought anything about my boss, sure I loved attention I loved that I was his favorite at work and got to do whatever I wanted but I NEVER thought of him romantically or anything in that way just as a friend he actually kinda creeped me out, he got fired so we stopped talking. I never hung out with this guy alone just texts like 'hey whats up' ect. I never looked back after he got fired, again I thought nothing of it I was way to in love with my man. After about 2 years of dating I had a super jealous faze where the thought of my man even looking at another girl made me want to puke. I didnt even want him talking to anyone that wasnt me. Then my boss from my old job , his name randomly started popping into my head thats all just his name. Then I started obsessing with did i like him,? were we just friends? did my boyfriend think I liked him>? Why am I thinking all this? Long story short I obsessed about it that way and constantly fought with my head. I knew I didnt. I knew I only liked him as a friend and I knew my boyfriend knew that. Once again I obsessed over everything in our relationship and once I interogated my boyfriend about all the stuff that bothered me I would think about my boss again. I never had any feelings for him but my head tells me I did. I was so in love with my boyfriend and I dont believe in cheating or even that it was possible to like some guy I never even hung out with. The moral of the story I know I didnt but my head is going crazy and some how making me feel and believe that I am a bad person. Does this sound like OCD? I have suffered anxiety my whole life and have issues with seperation and always being afraid of loosing what I love. Just really upsets me because I never thought anything of this until 2 years after I stopped being that guys friend. I never had any thoughts of him like that or anything when we were friends. Yes I liked attention of another guy but what normal girl wouldnt?? Anyways Id like to know is anyone thinks this is OCD because I have heard from counselors that I have it.I just want to move on and love my boyfriend and have my head believe it was nothing, because my heart sure does know the truth.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

Hi, I know it sure hurts. but you are not alone. i have been facing the same issue and have been looking for a solution. i keep looking at my hubbys bff photo and then wonder why i did that. i dont do it intentionally but it happens in microsecs. i guess it is normal and out of fear of cheating or liking someone else. you tend to run away from things you dont want and you end up thinking about them. its a vicious loop. do not act on your thoughts. i suffer from anxiety and ocd. go to a counselor and seek help. im trying the same. also if you have already come up with a solution please share.
all the best and rmbr thoughts are not facts.