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Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothing Left to Lose

I am beyond fearing abandonment, I expect it.   I just take people as they come and then watch them go.   For the most part I have learned not to cling.   I did cling, just briefly last year.   I really wanted that to work out.   I wanted just one relationship that didn't involve some sort of abuse.   I just wanted one.   But it seems that just one is too much to ask.   But I did learn a lot about myself in the process.   I learned how to open up to people.  I'm not very good at it--yet.  But I am going to keep practicing.   The nice thing about having abandonment issues is that I don't expect anyone to stick around very long so I can be as honest or as weird as I want to be because I know that it won't be long before they leave, anyway so I might as well just be myself.   Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, right?

deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Mar 20, 2008

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you should always be yourself and for anyone who doesn't understand you then that's thier loss not yours you are who you are keep your head up. XXX

I am the same way - iit has made me a "this is who i am take it or leave it" sort of person....BUT it still hurts like hell when I find out someone I care about is leaving and I perceive any sort of loss acutely.<br />
like tonight I found out my friend - best friend - who knows I have "lost "almost everyone that matters in my life (family, fiance, friends etc) - he anounces he is thinking of moving 13 hours away to seattle. I was pissed b/c he is just thinking about it , and what am I supposed to say? I am still RAW from the fact that my brothers anounced to me that they dont want a relationship with me anymore and my ex fiance says he doesnt want to commit to marriage ever and my roomate said a month ago she is 'thinking' of moving out....no solid reasons about me as a person but yet I feel it personally..........how long does it take to build an emotional armour? I thought I had one. alas my heart is still so damn soft.

I do and feel the same way. I used to panic or get paranoid or have a nervous breakdown because of abandonment, but now, I am actually an abandoner, you could say.