Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothing Left to Lose

I am beyond fearing abandonment, I expect it.   I just take people as they come and then watch them go.   For the most part I have learned not to cling.   I did cling, just briefly last year.   I really wanted that to work out.   I wanted just one relationship that didn't involve some sort of abuse.   I just wanted one.   But it seems that just one is too much to ask.   But I did learn a lot about myself in the process.   I learned how to open up to people.  I'm not very good at it--yet.  But I am going to keep practicing.   The nice thing about having abandonment issues is that I don't expect anyone to stick around very long so I can be as honest or as weird as I want to be because I know that it won't be long before they leave, anyway so I might as well just be myself.   Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, right?

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3 Responses Mar 20, 2008

you should always be yourself and for anyone who doesn't understand you then that's thier loss not yours you are who you are keep your head up. XXX

I am the same way - iit has made me a "this is who i am take it or leave it" sort of person....BUT it still hurts like hell when I find out someone I care about is leaving and I perceive any sort of loss acutely.<br />
like tonight I found out my friend - best friend - who knows I have "lost "almost everyone that matters in my life (family, fiance, friends etc) - he anounces he is thinking of moving 13 hours away to seattle. I was pissed b/c he is just thinking about it , and what am I supposed to say? I am still RAW from the fact that my brothers anounced to me that they dont want a relationship with me anymore and my ex fiance says he doesnt want to commit to marriage ever and my roomate said a month ago she is 'thinking' of moving solid reasons about me as a person but yet I feel it long does it take to build an emotional armour? I thought I had one. alas my heart is still so damn soft.

I do and feel the same way. I used to panic or get paranoid or have a nervous breakdown because of abandonment, but now, I am actually an abandoner, you could say.