Don't Leave Me Mommy

I grow up very far from life as a child I would always be trying to find a way  for anyone to say how good and well behaved child I was. cuz I couldn't wrap my brain around why my mom would always be leaving me. was I bad? she just needed to breath to get away from me for a little while. what did i do i rubbed your feet i scratched your back i got you everything you needed i cleaned i washed I even tried to cook for you. what was i doing so wrong. I loved you more than anything. i stayed up when you were gone 2 and 3 A.M. on a school day I was in 5th grade I cried til there was no more tissue in the house. I took care of my handicap sister and her anger would rise cuz her illness as well as mine didn't understand why you weren't  around and she tried to beat me but most time i was too fast. I was scared you left when dad was drunk talking out the side of his neck about you but i can remember that one night when i slipped up and said i hated him and he told me you hate me? I'm still here with you and he was right didn't matter what condition he was in and you gave him that power over you. I had to choose between you or him. my mom i loved you and i know you loved me cuz you did everything you could for me but why did leave for couple of days and not call i called you over and over again over and over again. emotions that still carry with me today. 
aprls aprls
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 4, 2011